Mirakee
Me
Who is this woman that I see standing before me
Where did she come from and why is she here
When did she become all the person that I see
Why is she sad, depressed, and always shedding tears
What is her biggest fear and the thing she hates now
The person she has become and who she is today
What I can't seem to see or understand, and it's just wow
Is why this bitch is still here. Why won't she just go away
I don't like her when she is like this and doesn't do what she should
I don't like who I am and the things I let slide and hurt me
I don't like being used, hurt, unappreciated and who the fuck would
And I keep saying im gonna change and you will see
When in reality ... I guess this dumb bitch with no back bone. No mouth. No fight to stand up for herself
Well guess what ...
I guess you get what you see
I guess this dumb bitch
I guess she is now me
christina863
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christina863
3d
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christina863
7w
Thank You
Life is full of twists and turns and sometimes i dont understand any of it. Sometimes I wonder what in the world is going on, and how in the world am i going to fix it this time. But then something positive comes along and all your doubts and fears go away. Sometimes people come into your life to remind you of things or something as small as how to smile, or to show you that life is still worth living. Things dont always work out the way we want them to, and sometimes they work out great. But no matter how long or short someone is in your life, i have come to realize that they are all there for a reason. It may not always be the reason that you want... and at times the reasons feel so right only to turn out so wrong. But then on the other hand they can be an uphill battle for the entire journey just to find out what you hoped would be your final destination, was just a stepping stone or sometimes a mountain for you to climb just to start over again, but with a different outlook on life. I am thankful and greatful for all of you that have crossed my path and made my life what it is today. I just want you all to know that i appreciate you, for whatever reason we know one another. Have a great night everyone!!! You are still in my life for a reason, and for those reasons I want to Thank You
©christina863 -
Insecurities
Insecurities
Where do I start
Well let's start with the part
Where you tell me you will never cheat
And then lets wait a few months when caught
And guess what you do.... REPEAT
So you talk to this girl
For months until I find out
3 days before my birthday to be exact
I caught you with you pants down in the act
You tell me over and over it won't happen again
Boom. Wrong. Guess what. He does it again
He says to the same girl
He sends his penis with a pic
If she thinks this is disrespectful
Why the fuck are you asking
She is a disrespectful fucking bitch
She knew we were together
When she would play along and watch
Told you everything you wanted to hear
Bc my love, my sex and myself wasn't good enough
But you lied to me then and you think I'm a fool
Bc why ask a disrespectful bitch if she thinks you are being disrespectful
Wrong. You sent that to someone else
So again you think I'm dumb
Again it's not me you say
It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm 43
That I'm over weight
That I'm not skinny and perfect and young
Like the porn that you watch
I'm not gonna spit on your dick
Or let you fuck me up the ass every day
So guess what ... I'm not good enough again
And Devvon wants to play
You make a fake profile
And send your dick to 30 girls
Maybe even more that's just what I saw
But you won't do it again. Pls trust me
I'm not ever gonna do it again
But you changed your passwords
And you delete stuff that has no reason to be deleted
Like your "aunt" "cousin" or just best friend
But if you have nothing to hide
And you aren't doing anything wrong
Then why change your passwords
Why hide shit from me
Why delete shit that if it was from your aunt you shouldn't have to hide.
I'm not stupid or young
And my heart isn't a toy
Is this what everyone meant
When they said id be sorry for fucking with a boy
I defended you against loads of people
My family, my friends
Just for them to all be right in the end
I am sorry for fucking with you at times
Bc you just aren't ready to be with just one person
Idk if you ever will be
Bc how can you expect me to compliment you and make you feel good
When you have made me feel hurt used lousy nasty old unwanted undesirable unloved used like a whore not sexy to say the least and just keep proving to me that it is me. That I'm not good enough. That I don't have what you want. Or need. That I'm not worth it. That my body. My heart. My love. My trust. My goodness. My pussy. My ass. My sex. None of it is good enough. Unless your dick is hard then I'm good enough to fuck. But hell guys fuck their hands, holes in things, toys... Dolls. .. so really just fucking me when your dick is hard and running out of the room the minute your dick gets wet .... Well that says it all. That's all I need to know really.
©christina863 -
christina863
11w
When
When did life get so hard
When did love become something we don't want
When did life change so I felt so alone
When did I become lost and unknown
When did I not like myself no more
When did you become someone we don't know
When did love become hate
When do we get to where it's so
When life became sad and unwanted
When did I forget who I was
When did I stop giving a fuck about stuff
When did this define what once was
When can I finish this
When can I change the shit
When can I become me again
When will I get my wish -
christina863
11w
Wow
Sitting here alone, hating myself
Left to sit here without you
Disappointed because you left me
Alone and can't believe it's true
You knew I wanted to go to storage.
You know we have one fucking day
Then the doors are locked again
And then it all will go away
If they lock them again this time
Fuck the shit in there bc it's fine
I don't care anymore about this
It all seems like a waste of time -
christina863
12w
Stupid
All he wants me for Is sex. It's so obviously true. Once he found out I wasn't doing it this morning he left the room and hasn't been back since. I'm so stupid
©christina863 -
christina863
41w
When Did We Lose What We Had
When did we lose what we had
When did we always get mad
What happened to us being glad
When did we lose what we had
When did we lose what we had
When did we just make things turn bad
When did the things we say make us sad
When did we lose what we had
When did we lose what we had
When did this love turn us mad
When did the love we feel make us sad
When did we lose what we had
When did we lose what we had
When was the last time I made you glad
When did we make each other mad
When did we lose what we had
©christina863 -
christina863
41w
Grrrrrrr
I thought we were solid
I thought it was pure
But I found out this happened
And now I'm not so sure
I can't believe it was right there
In front of my face all along
God why does this shit happen
To mean when life is all ready so wrong
Things aren't easy in this love we share
The people and the house make it do we can't bare
The thought of being here anymore most days
And then this shit happens and now it's raised
Questions and doubt
Thoughts of what did I do wrong.
Thinking it's me that fucked us up
Even when my love is so strong
I can't get you to see how I feel
I can't show you in anymore ways it's real
That I think of you constantly always forever
And didn't want us to split not now not ever
But this thing is so evil
Creeping into my head
Filling me with dread and sadness
And taking away all my bliss
The thing that I wish
Is that I never even knew
Because this not only hurts me
But it also hurts you
©christina863 -
Just thoughts
I don't know what I do wrong
I don't know why we can't get along
Our love at one time was so strong
Now it's like I don't belong
I feel like it's not our life anymore
Everyone gets involved and your
Family yells and treats me more and more
Like they wish I would close the door
To our relationship for once and for all
But my question is is our love so small
That you can't be with me once and for all
And tell them butt out y'all
I thought what we had couldn't be broken
But the stuff left unsaid and unspoken
Is destroying our lives to no end
Shit, if we don't figure it out, will we even stay friends
I can't believe life turned on us like it did
I can't imagine love being good again
I wish this life would sometimes just end
Because I'm gonna lose my best friend
In the end we will see
And we will look back on these days
And realize all we had to do
Is put us first in all ways
It's true that family can ruin and mess up
The things that we have built and found
Love is forever a challenge
But it's good to keep around
The things that we feel
And the things we once felt
The fighting and loving
Can't reappear without help
So if we want this to work
And God knows I truly do
Then first thing we have to start doing
Is working on me and you
Are you ready to live our lives
For us and for each other
Or do we continue to let this life
Come to an end like all the others
©christina863 -
christina863
45w
Just some thoughts for today
Once life was simple. We got up and did things throughout the day together. We laughed. Layed in the bed and held one another. Held hands when we walked in the stores. Now I push the cart and you lead the way. I didn't realize that something in our relationship isn't right. Hasn't been right for a while. I never thought about it. Bc the way things changed, so gradual, it just all worked it's way into this new thing we have between the two of us. I know you care about me. And I know I love you. But maybe my realization of just how much I truly love you..... Maybe that, maybe that came too late. Bc you aren't the same anymore with me. We haven't laid down with each other not one time this week. I haven't had your arms around me while I slept. I've slept alone. Utterly alone. Him not even in the room. And he used to care about me being by myself when I slept. He would not want to leave me alone bc of something that happened one night. Only now, he doesn't care. He leaves and goes all over the place without me. Doesn't even try to see if I want to go with him. And now he found the money I had put up for myself and he just doesn't remember to bring his with him when we go to the store. This way he can make sure I use all mine and I don't have a dollar. He just spends and spends... With no regard to the fact that we don't have a job. Either one of us. So we really shouldnt be spending anything honestly. I don't know all the answers. And I'm damn sure not good at this love thing. I mean obviously a look how many relationships have fucked up. I can't figure out what to do think or feel about this right now. So for now, I'm just gonna continue to put it all down with words then maybe someday I will understand what is going on and be able to make sense of all this bullshit. I just want my relationship with him back. When he wanted to be with me. When he touched me. When he looked at me with desire and want. When he loved me. I want him back when he loved me
©christina863
