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  • christina863 3d

    Me

    Who is this woman that I see standing before me
    Where did she come from and why is she here
    When did she become all the person that I see
    Why is she sad, depressed, and always shedding tears

    What is her biggest fear and the thing she hates now
    The person she has become and who she is today
    What I can't seem to see or understand, and it's just wow
    Is why this bitch is still here. Why won't she just go away

    I don't like her when she is like this and doesn't do what she should
    I don't like who I am and the things I let slide and hurt me
    I don't like being used, hurt, unappreciated and who the fuck would
    And I keep saying im gonna change and you will see

    When in reality ... I guess this dumb bitch with no back bone. No mouth. No fight to stand up for herself

    Well guess what ...

    I guess you get what you see

    I guess this dumb bitch

    I guess she is now me

  • christina863 7w

    Thank You

    Life is full of twists and turns and sometimes i dont understand any of it. Sometimes I wonder what in the world is going on, and how in the world am i going to fix it this time. But then something positive comes along and all your doubts and fears go away. Sometimes people come into your life to remind you of things or something as small as how to smile, or to show you that life is still worth living. Things dont always work out the way we want them to, and sometimes they work out great. But no matter how long or short someone is in your life, i have come to realize that they are all there for a reason. It may not always be the reason that you want... and at times the reasons feel so right only to turn out so wrong. But then on the other hand they can be an uphill battle for the entire journey just to find out what you hoped would be your final destination, was just a stepping stone or sometimes a mountain for you to climb just to start over again, but with a different outlook on life. I am thankful and greatful for all of you that have crossed my path and made my life what it is today. I just want you all to know that i appreciate you, for whatever reason we know one another. Have a great night everyone!!! You are still in my life for a reason, and for those reasons I want to Thank You
    ©christina863

  • christina863 9w

    Adult language and content

    Read More

    Insecurities

    Insecurities
    Where do I start
    Well let's start with the part
    Where you tell me you will never cheat
    And then lets wait a few months when caught
    And guess what you do.... REPEAT
    So you talk to this girl
    For months until I find out
    3 days before my birthday to be exact
    I caught you with you pants down in the act
    You tell me over and over it won't happen again
    Boom. Wrong. Guess what. He does it again
    He says to the same girl
    He sends his penis with a pic
    If she thinks this is disrespectful
    Why the fuck are you asking
    She is a disrespectful fucking bitch
    She knew we were together
    When she would play along and watch
    Told you everything you wanted to hear
    Bc my love, my sex and myself wasn't good enough
    But you lied to me then and you think I'm a fool
    Bc why ask a disrespectful bitch if she thinks you are being disrespectful
    Wrong. You sent that to someone else
    So again you think I'm dumb
    Again it's not me you say
    It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm 43
    That I'm over weight
    That I'm not skinny and perfect and young
    Like the porn that you watch
    I'm not gonna spit on your dick
    Or let you fuck me up the ass every day
    So guess what ... I'm not good enough again
    And Devvon wants to play
    You make a fake profile
    And send your dick to 30 girls
    Maybe even more that's just what I saw
    But you won't do it again. Pls trust me
    I'm not ever gonna do it again
    But you changed your passwords
    And you delete stuff that has no reason to be deleted
    Like your "aunt" "cousin" or just best friend
    But if you have nothing to hide
    And you aren't doing anything wrong
    Then why change your passwords
    Why hide shit from me
    Why delete shit that if it was from your aunt you shouldn't have to hide.
    I'm not stupid or young
    And my heart isn't a toy
    Is this what everyone meant
    When they said id be sorry for fucking with a boy
    I defended you against loads of people
    My family, my friends
    Just for them to all be right in the end
    I am sorry for fucking with you at times
    Bc you just aren't ready to be with just one person
    Idk if you ever will be
    Bc how can you expect me to compliment you and make you feel good
    When you have made me feel hurt used lousy nasty old unwanted undesirable unloved used like a whore not sexy to say the least and just keep proving to me that it is me. That I'm not good enough. That I don't have what you want. Or need. That I'm not worth it. That my body. My heart. My love. My trust. My goodness. My pussy. My ass. My sex. None of it is good enough. Unless your dick is hard then I'm good enough to fuck. But hell guys fuck their hands, holes in things, toys... Dolls. .. so really just fucking me when your dick is hard and running out of the room the minute your dick gets wet .... Well that says it all. That's all I need to know really.
    ©christina863

  • christina863 11w

    When

    When did life get so hard
    When did love become something we don't want
    When did life change so I felt so alone
    When did I become lost and unknown

    When did I not like myself no more
    When did you become someone we don't know
    When did love become hate
    When do we get to where it's so

    When life became sad and unwanted
    When did I forget who I was
    When did I stop giving a fuck about stuff
    When did this define what once was

    When can I finish this
    When can I change the shit
    When can I become me again
    When will I get my wish

  • christina863 11w

    Wow

    Sitting here alone, hating myself
    Left to sit here without you
    Disappointed because you left me
    Alone and can't believe it's true

    You knew I wanted to go to storage.
    You know we have one fucking day
    Then the doors are locked again
    And then it all will go away

    If they lock them again this time
    Fuck the shit in there bc it's fine
    I don't care anymore about this
    It all seems like a waste of time

  • christina863 12w

    Stupid

    All he wants me for Is sex. It's so obviously true. Once he found out I wasn't doing it this morning he left the room and hasn't been back since. I'm so stupid
    ©christina863

  • christina863 41w

    When Did We Lose What We Had

    When did we lose what we had
    When did we always get mad
    What happened to us being glad
    When did we lose what we had

    When did we lose what we had
    When did we just make things turn bad
    When did the things we say make us sad
    When did we lose what we had

    When did we lose what we had
    When did this love turn us mad
    When did the love we feel make us sad
    When did we lose what we had

    When did we lose what we had
    When was the last time I made you glad
    When did we make each other mad
    When did we lose what we had
    ©christina863

  • christina863 41w

    Grrrrrrr

    I thought we were solid
    I thought it was pure
    But I found out this happened
    And now I'm not so sure

    I can't believe it was right there
    In front of my face all along
    God why does this shit happen
    To mean when life is all ready so wrong

    Things aren't easy in this love we share
    The people and the house make it do we can't bare
    The thought of being here anymore most days
    And then this shit happens and now it's raised

    Questions and doubt
    Thoughts of what did I do wrong.
    Thinking it's me that fucked us up
    Even when my love is so strong

    I can't get you to see how I feel
    I can't show you in anymore ways it's real
    That I think of you constantly always forever
    And didn't want us to split not now not ever

    But this thing is so evil
    Creeping into my head
    Filling me with dread and sadness
    And taking away all my bliss

    The thing that I wish
    Is that I never even knew
    Because this not only hurts me
    But it also hurts you
    ©christina863

  • christina863 41w

    Just thoughts

    I don't know what I do wrong
    I don't know why we can't get along
    Our love at one time was so strong
    Now it's like I don't belong

    I feel like it's not our life anymore
    Everyone gets involved and your
    Family yells and treats me more and more
    Like they wish I would close the door

    To our relationship for once and for all
    But my question is is our love so small
    That you can't be with me once and for all
    And tell them butt out y'all

    I thought what we had couldn't be broken
    But the stuff left unsaid and unspoken
    Is destroying our lives to no end
    Shit, if we don't figure it out, will we even stay friends

    I can't believe life turned on us like it did
    I can't imagine love being good again
    I wish this life would sometimes just end
    Because I'm gonna lose my best friend

    In the end we will see
    And we will look back on these days
    And realize all we had to do
    Is put us first in all ways

    It's true that family can ruin and mess up
    The things that we have built and found
    Love is forever a challenge
    But it's good to keep around

    The things that we feel
    And the things we once felt
    The fighting and loving
    Can't reappear without help


    So if we want this to work
    And God knows I truly do
    Then first thing we have to start doing
    Is working on me and you

    Are you ready to live our lives
    For us and for each other
    Or do we continue to let this life
    Come to an end like all the others
    ©christina863

  • christina863 45w

    Just some thoughts for today

    Once life was simple. We got up and did things throughout the day together. We laughed. Layed in the bed and held one another. Held hands when we walked in the stores. Now I push the cart and you lead the way. I didn't realize that something in our relationship isn't right. Hasn't been right for a while. I never thought about it. Bc the way things changed, so gradual, it just all worked it's way into this new thing we have between the two of us. I know you care about me. And I know I love you. But maybe my realization of just how much I truly love you..... Maybe that, maybe that came too late. Bc you aren't the same anymore with me. We haven't laid down with each other not one time this week. I haven't had your arms around me while I slept. I've slept alone. Utterly alone. Him not even in the room. And he used to care about me being by myself when I slept. He would not want to leave me alone bc of something that happened one night. Only now, he doesn't care. He leaves and goes all over the place without me. Doesn't even try to see if I want to go with him. And now he found the money I had put up for myself and he just doesn't remember to bring his with him when we go to the store. This way he can make sure I use all mine and I don't have a dollar. He just spends and spends... With no regard to the fact that we don't have a job. Either one of us. So we really shouldnt be spending anything honestly. I don't know all the answers. And I'm damn sure not good at this love thing. I mean obviously a look how many relationships have fucked up. I can't figure out what to do think or feel about this right now. So for now, I'm just gonna continue to put it all down with words then maybe someday I will understand what is going on and be able to make sense of all this bullshit. I just want my relationship with him back. When he wanted to be with me. When he touched me. When he looked at me with desire and want. When he loved me. I want him back when he loved me
    ©christina863