chidera

“For you, a thousand times over.”

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  • chidera 11w

    My head is like a small room looking from the outside but it is an ocean sized land filled with mines. I tiptoe around danger spots and I try to stay alive while I run to get out. There is a black and white painted line on the floor and above it lies a banner that says “Finish line”. I have crossed that line many times and it has un-crossed me all the time. I run past the line and the line gets up, a clown blows the smokes drawn from a cigarette, there’s a trumpet sound and out of it comes a cardboard with a note “Tricked ya! It’s just a little bit further up front. Keep running or tap dance with half body parts.” And I’ve been doing that. For years now. I have been running. I have been close and too far away. Every time I reach that line, I pray it is the one. But it’s been years now and I’m tired of running.

    I don’t think there was ever meant to be an end but I don’t understand why I don’t stop.

    CN
    24.01.21

  • chidera 11w

    i.
    I have always been wild
    I was never seen gentle or meek
    I wrestled with boys and punches
    I ran away from rules and more rules.

    ii.
    I haven’t always been like this
    I was never walking like a boy
    I took this cover for protection
    I ran away from pain and more pain.

    iii.
    I do not know how to be un-wild
    I was never clawing at my throat
    I starve and punish to find release
    I keep running from light and more light.

    iv.
    I wish to be normal. I wish to be sane.
    I was never counting days to sleep
    I haven’t stopped bleeding and hurting
    I have been dying ever since I escaped death.

    v.
    I do not know who I am anymore
    I breathe but I do not know why
    I am good at only running
    I am afraid of being with myself.

    CN
    24.01.21

  • chidera 11w

    You make me wait
    Alone. In the dark.
    You are waiting
    For a grand moment
    The time you finally
    Take me out and
    Twirl me around
    For everyone to see
    When all I really want is
    To touch the curves of your face
    A cup of coffee with you
    A walk in the cool evening
    The same jokes over and over,
    Just a good morning and hello
    To fall in love with you again.

    CN
    21.02.21

  • chidera 11w

    Pain is calling my name
    She says she still loves me
    He says I am the one now
    But I have changed lines
    I am comfortable with me—
    I’d kiss him & never want him.

    CN
    21.02.21

  • chidera 11w

    And darling,
    When I move on
    To someone new
    Do not paint him
    The devil’s advocate
    Or the bond breaker
    Even if he didn’t exist
    I would still walk away
    For when I’m in love
    I see nobody
    Nobody in front
    Nor at the back
    Till when I am not.
    My eyes are open
    The fire has burned out
    And I realise
    Better may not be out there
    But I’m dying slowly in here.

    CN
    21.02.21

  • chidera 12w

    12 THINGS TO CONSIDER


    i. The roads look the same concrete but the steps are different—
    The road is a mouldable one depending on the traveller
    The road is a representation of each traveller.

    ii. We are born and taken away by a coin’s toss—
    One minute, we open our eyes for the first time
    In a minute, we’ll close our eyes for the last time.

    iii. The choice is ours and it’s not by choice—
    Sometimes, I feel I would be better off if I were not suffered to feel
    Sometimes, don’t you wake up and wish you could’ve chosen not to be forced to choose?

    iv. The road less travelled is a myth we believe to feel guilt—
    Everyone is travelling on their own path
    All roads are taken by beings that breathe

    v. The journey is just a breath away to end but yet so excruciatingly long—
    I think I would like to be happy and be gone when she leaves or comes with bad company
    I believe endurance to be a worthy virtue but in the long run, I find it foolishness; why endure pains for a breath?

    vi. The power to live and die is in your hands—
    You can decide to move and find shelter
    All wounds eventually dry if you let them go.

    vii. The mind is a blessing and a curse—
    Keep your mind well for it is your strongest resource
    It is hard to ever stand up again with a beaten and broken mind.

    viii. Humans are the embodiment of all imperfections—
    In this sojourn, you learn that humans are exactly what they are meant to be
    The road will be peaceful when you make peace with this reality.

    ix. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing means nothing—
    To live forever, choose not to exist and just be nothing
    You will live but you will not exist, your breaths will just be tiny breezes and nobody will know your name.

    x. Love can never be a weakness. Love can never be a weapon—
    Loving with your all means you’re strong and who dares call it a weakness to care about someone other than yourself.
    I promise you that if love hurts you, it is not love. Love cannot be what it is not.

    xi. Life can be easy if you let it—
    Learn to let go to become more
    Learn to live before you die.

    xii. The journey is sweeter when we go together—
    Comparison isn’t only the thief of joy; it is the death of togetherness and uniqueness
    Hold a hand and encourage one another for we move faster with the chatters and the laughs are better than a lonely path.

    CN
    20.01.21


    Thanks for tagging me to the challenge Carolyn. Hope it makes sense and I apologise if it doesn’t look less than 40 lines. Actually 36 but eh the space isn’t so big.

    Have a nice day everyone

    #cees_soj_chall

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    On an unrelated note:
    • Get thyself a pet
    • Get thyself to healthiness
    • Get thyself to happiness

    And on another unrelated note:
    S
    M
    I
    L
    E
    :)

  • chidera 13w

    11.01.21

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    Love is the scariest feeling in the world

    It truly is when you love a wall
    It truly is when you love an empty ocean desperate to be filled again

    Rushing with vigour towards you
    You are flattered and you smile
    You think it is you that they want
    They are empty oceans who seek escape
    The beings in them yearn for water to be alive again
    And you confuse the hunger in their eyes
    As a desire for your being
    While they’re interested only in the springs you carry

    And you give and keep giving
    Waiting for your turn to receive
    They tell you they will – be patient.

    And you keep on at it
    You fill them up with your water
    While you are dipping your fingers in your cheekbones
    And forgetting when your eyes changed their colours
    But they get all they can from you
    And they move on darling cause they’re oceans
    They cannot ever be filled and they never give back

    They take all the love they can and keep it like a book in a library
    And you keep coming back even when you can barely walk anymore
    With hope you can see yourself like you did when you look into their eyes
    With hope you can get just a drop to quench your thirsty heartbroken heart

    But darling you forget
    You always forget

    They are oceans
    But they only leave you drier each time
    They are filled with springs to save just a bit of you
    But they’d rather drown in themselves than save your poor soul

    I keep telling you this every chance I get
    But every chance you get,
    You take a mat and you go down the shore

    And darling you wait
    You always wait.

    CN

  • chidera 14w

    I wish to have a fresh start or clean leave.

    CN
    02.01.21

  • chidera 15w

    I want a home with you
    But I’m afraid my mind will win
    And I’ll carry a torch and burn it –
    I’m afraid I’ll take you to hell with me.

    CN
    29.12.20

  • chidera 15w

    You keep coming after me
    I run with bleeding wounds
    You’re shouting to slow down
    But I run faster and faster each time
    You scream you only want to help
    And you have band-aids for the wounds.

    Darling, I love you the way you are now
    Perfect. Lovely. Good. Pure.
    If you keep coming after me
    I’m afraid the band-aids will be for you

    CN
    29.12.20