#pod #sad #poem #questions
She was a poem; long and deep.One that's read and admired,Also despised for existing.Rare and graceful,In her own terms.They said she's a carcass;Body without a soul,Stone for a heart;Beating for life, to exist.Bleeding and wounding her,The stone hurt her the most.Expected to solve and to answer;While questions swirled inside,She felt being looked upto.Flawed in every way,She knew she wasn't who they thought.They would tell her everyday;To dance, to sing, to smile,To be someone they'll love,To be someone she's not.Taunting and scolding her,Loving her when they needed her.They say she changed so soon,Ignorant to who they became.So, everyday was a battle,Against fate and not people.For a place in the world,Just like any other face,Among a crowd,Unidentified.Days counting down,To infinity or a number they know,Breathing slowly.©brown_ocolus.
#corona #covid #missing #pod #changes
Then and Now
The wind carries an echo;Mistook for a whistle before,We once mistook for.Today, like always;The wind still streamed,Echoes heard no more.Fictive Whistles hushed,Giggles, laughter and cheersHeard no more.Once was a time,They longed to be home;Home, full of hope.Living every moment,They sang and danced.Today, like always;The house stood still,People together, yet far.Chaos on the streets once,Of cars that passed by,Of kids jumping high,Silently sang songs of a fest.Today, like always;The Kids still there,But Only on wallsAs a memory than an event.'it will be okay','this too shall pass','stay hopeful'.Said all, nowadays.But we still are the same,Not alone, though lonely.Fear churning inside,Slithering it's way in,As time ticked away.Smiles ebbed away,Minds kindling with doubts,And Clouding our thoughts.The world has swapped,With people for whoExistence now defined,By Fear and not being mere alive.I'm dubious too now,Off to where we go?why though?Sadly,No one knows.©brown_ocolus
#metaphor #pod #thirst #pain #questions #dead
Walking around for hours,He finally saw me a mile away.Drenched in sweat, Hoping to end his thirst,The sailor took a part of me.He took me with greed,On his palms till he was done.Quenching his thirst,Closing his eyes momentarily,Glancing down at me now,Looking for what he wanted to see.He smiled at me; I thought.He smiled at himself;Happy to be alive,Happy to have survived.The desert grew darkerAs the sailer walked away.With a part of me in him,That was never his.Leaving me there,Incomplete and in pain,To never come back;To never recall a time,When death was closer than a hug.Time passed like the wind.With each sailor I welcomed,Loosing pieces of myself,And smiling through the pain;The pain of depletion.I'm nothing but a depression nowOn the hot sand,Like the soil that was once my shore.Thinking of the past everytime,I know now of those sailors;The ones who drank me up.Never of this land,They found me to kill me;For greed or for fame.But was it true that it was me?On quelling their thirst,Did they find out about me?That I was made of salt?That I shrinked their life again?That I was the poison they feared?But I also wonder,What was better:To be ignorant and never know?Or,To know and die when I'm already gone?©brown_ocolus
What they thought was a Lilly,Bloomed faster than hoped.Looking at the sun,She assured herself to be the flower;The flower they said she was.She bloomed hoping for the stars,But met the moon instead.Falling slowly in love every time,While dreaming about the stars,Denying her desire for the wrong.The sun came every morning.Envious of the story he heardOf the Lilly and the moon,Burning the brightest that day,He sneered at the Lilly,Burning her with him.Losing all the life she had,Thinking of the moon who's away,Struggling to exist,To see him one more time.Breathing her last,She said to none but herself,'Stars kept shining,Far away in the unknown.But you kept beaming,Stayed and kept living.'She died a rose,A white, beautiful, drained Rose.©brown_ocolus
Charade of Lies
My eyes focused above,At the moon who's shy,Remembering days when we smiledTo the sky and each other,Happy, peaceful in our nest.'Ages has gone by now', says time,'Feels like an eternity', says the heart.Who's lying? I wonder.Or can I not judge like they say,Losing myself to the moon I look at?The mist cuddling me getting cold,Like the snow we laid on,Years ago; talking, giggling and living.The sky is thick like it's about to rain,To help me let myself out of me,Letting me escape into fantasies.If I stay what I am forever,I stay disliked till the end.Should I then change for you and them?'I'll be better then', you say,Failing to notice that wouldn't be me.Thinking over and over, I realize...If I change, you'll let me in.'For how long?', I ask.If I don't, you hate me like now.Till I turn into a spec of dusk,On top of a memory box of yours.Whatever I may choose,It'll always be for you; your love,For the warmth your smile brings.Playing a charade then,Till I die or till you realize,It was for you and wasn't me.So, the question I ask today,To you and to everyone who's not me;To the one's who wants better,Who wants change...'Did you even know me before?''Do you even deserve a different me?''Will I be able to bear the pain?The pain of pretence?'But importantly,If you'll hate me anyway,Is it worth dying everyday?That too, playing someone I'm not?In a stage you call life?©brown_ocolus
I reach where I want to,With exhaustion from the climb.The night is when I stand,Among the fog as thick as snow,On the tip of a mountain,Taller than any around.Looking for the next step,I stand still; looking around,Careful to move, scared of the fall.The mountain unlike any,Not by rocks, but is made of me.My insecurities, my fears,My paranoia, my insanity.Standing on the mountain,Is standing on myself,Reminding me of what I am.Underneath is nothing but smoke,Burying the way up.Alone there with my thoughts,I think of things that was.Cursing past choices,Pitying my kiths and kin,And everyone I've met,For what I was to them.Nobody to blame than me,I sit down still, like the night.Closing my eyes,Soaking my cheecks,I sit with my thoughts,spinning them around into a web,Dreaming of a day without me.A day with a clear sky,Filled with joy and not misery,Filled with everything but me.The wind starts to blow,Carrying me in to the air,Onto grounds that doesn't exist,Beyond borders that were never built.On the journey I see souls;Visions of people I know,People who were never mine,And the ones I thought who were.Closing my eyes again,I fly with the wind, to the clouds.Trying to be a part of something;Like I did in the ground,I fly and fly and fly.A soul is all I am by now,My flesh now ashes,Flowing with the same wind,But On the ground way beneath.©brown_ocolus
#doors #memories #love #nostalgia #peace.
There were doors ahead,Big, small, old and new.All alike the way they were locked,Unattainable treasures hidden inside.Unknown to the present,Packed by the past,'it's for the future', they say.we look around now;The only thing we could do.corridors are empty today,Narrating stories aloud,Of the past, of the people,Of everything's that lost.These doors to you are nothing;Their secrets unknown,You see the door,We see the past,We see things that could've been ours.Maybe years from now, You would know too;Of The riches inside,How worth they were.Not coins, not gold,Not jewels nor stones,Hidden inside were prized;And just for us.Inside; locked were memories.Memories of a time we lived.Memories of a time we laughed.You wouldn't Know at all,For it was not yours.It was mine and theirs,Adorned for days...©brown_ocolus
What do I miss?
Remember those days,The ones we spend?And If you ask today,'What's that you miss?About me, about us?What was your bliss?'I pause, though not to think,But to look at you and wink,Tell you what is it...'The songs you sung,Those taunts we passed,The jokes we told,And everything we did.Most importantly,Who you areAnd the strength you gave.'©brown_ocolus
You and Me
A picture of the sea,Among some memories,Is what made me think of you.The water too was bright,Deep inside, as dark as you.As the waves thrashed those rocks,Though still but alive,I remembered those days,And felt the pain coming back.Agonising but divine,Ruinous but obsessive,Like the days we spend.To this day I'm sure,Though painful those were,I'll remember them right and forever.As a lesson that taught me;To love myself more,To sleep and to snore,To remember that it's not all.Some say they wanna go back,Efface people like you for good.But I say, 'you stay',Since once I saw my life in you.A lesson and a story today,A forgotten friend your are now.Part of a hurtful past,A lesson worth remembering.I let you go, let you slip off,Tore you from the books I wrote,All you are now are mere pages;Old, battered and ugly,Proof of a life we had,Worth forgetting today.All those while,You kept telling me,Asking me to give in,'Will you tell me yours,If I tell you mine?Will you let me in,If I unlock my doors?'Those doors though unlocked,Were adorned with thorns,Puncturing my will,Tiring me, asking me to stop.And so I did;Forever though.©brown_ocolus
They saw a beam of light,Where she lit a lamp.They saw the deceased,Where she saw the struggle.They saw shame,She saw the pain.Ignorance being the dark,Wisdom, the light.Paths were infinite,The one that lit was,The one she chose.©brown_ocolus
Whenever I need your presence I do not reach out as expected Rather I stay in the quiet and loneliness and hope you find me More often than not its an effort in futility But I keep doing it- For there is a mantle of love That rattles our core And that mantle drops when love finds us Whenever I need your presence I do not reach out as expected Rather I stay in the quiet And hope you find me As I did you Mickey_
...we still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expecations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.And if you're very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realized that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life.Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.Jim Butcher in Dresden Files
#love #poetry #thoughts #diary
You're right....Maybe I'm just a coward.Maybe I'm scared of loving you.Scared of letting you in;Scared of acknowledging this may be different.Scared of giving myself another chance; because I've been hurt more than I can count.Scared of false promises, of another series of "I love yous";With no guarantee of a permanent tomorrow.Scared of reality, realizing this may be another dream I borrowed.So what do you expect me to do!?Fall blindly?Believe in an uncertainty?Are you really worth it?Am I truly ready?How can you be sure we won't break each other's hearts?How can you be sure we won't tear each other apart?I'm sorry but I don't trust myself enough to not hurt you.Your heart will be safer somewhere else.©sammyj