You know that it is heavy yet you choose to carry it? Why? It's the past, It's gone. Loosen up your sense of identity. Explore yourself. Let yourself heal.
I know what you think, "It's easy to say."
But trust me, I've been through shit. Moreover I've been through shit "alone". I know what rock bottom feels like I know what angry, frustrated, confused, sad feels like. I know what "alone" feels like.
The process of healing takes time. Some heal fast, Some heal slow. Some take weeks, Some take months. Maybe a year. But the important thing to remember is that eventually it gets better.
You don't need to ignore or hide from the past. All you need to do is, Acknowledge it. And embrace the present.
Leave the baggage, which you are not supposed to carry.
As I sit here alone inhaling all of my memories, "our memories". I can't help but remember the day we met. How our eyes caught each other. I knew exactly what I felt, Love.
I remember thinking, this could actually mean something, Something big, Something better, Most importantly, something worth trying for. Those first two years, I can't even forget them even if I want to. How could I? Not only did I fell in love with you, But also myself. And I will always hate you for teaching me something so difficult.
I remember how I fucked each and everything up. How easily I manged to mess up the only good thing going on in my life. Maybe you were right. It was me. You had your limits, and maybe I was too much. I never blamed you for leaving me in the middle of nowhere How could I? I was a mess, I still am. And to be honest I blame myself. I always will.
I know, I'm wasting my time. I know, You will never read this. And, I know, "this" is not going to serve any purpose whatsoever. But maybe it is appropriate for this one little thing I blame you for.
Out of all the things in the world you taught me, Living without you wasn't one of them.
It's strange, How easily we fall in and out of love, like one day, we wake up and decide that this is not what we want, anymore ofcourse. How easily we decide that we need a new adventure to go on. How easily those faces start meaning nothing to us. Don't you think it's a little unnatural? Or is it just me? Promises, commitments, vows, they just stop making sense? It almost feels like as if we were wasting our time. As if it was a social contract or something with an expiration date. Funny thing is, we never completely move on. We carry the tiniest piece with ourselves for maybe as long as we are here. Funny thing is, We never actually clear our minds, we just make space by sweeping the old memories under the rug, "as if they mean nothing". And I just can't help but think, it wasn't Love.
If it wasn't love, It was a lot like it. Maybe I was just your temporary escape from reality, from all the pain. Maybe I was just a temporary home for your soul. You never realised that the garden I was building was meant just for you. Every rose, every tulip, every Lilly was meant just for you. I've held onto all the thorns for all these years, awaiting for your presence, for your attention, For your love. But I'm done. I know you will never read this, You will never know the weight of these words. To be honest this isn't the part where I will blame you or curse you. Because that's not love. This is the part where I'm giving up. This is me accepting that it had to end. This is me letting go of what not we promised. I'm making peace with the fact that you were not the one, and hopefully someday the sun will rise again. Hopefully one day I'll look back at what's left and it won't hurt me. Hopefully one day I'll be fine.
Kabhi dukh ne bhi Darwaaze par dastak di. Lekin mujhe Darwaaza bandh rakne ki Aadat hai. Kaate toh kabhi Mere pairo par bhi chube hai. Lekin uss kaate ko nikaalkar Phir chal utne ki aadat hai. Dil toh kabhi Mera bhi bohot roya hai. Lekin hasskar, zakhmo par Marhum lagaane ki aadat hai. Akeli toh kabhi Mai bhi padh gayi thi. Lekin khud ka sahaare Bane rehne ki aadat hai. Mera mann bhi kabhi Bohot kuch bolne taras gaya. Lekin maun rehne Ki aadat hai. Zindagi ne toh meri saath bhi Bohot khel khele hai. Lekin kaate ki takkar dena, Ab yeh meri aadat hai...
PS: Yolo! My first Hindi post! Woah!....I finally did this. Khushi ke aashu aa rahe hai. This is actually a request by a fellow mirakeean @dipps_ to try out writing a Hindi post. I hope, I did justice to your words. I also hope you all like it and do give me honest opinions. Dhanyawaad, Dosto! @writersnetwork