I know how you're feeling. Yeah, I do. Anxious? Stressed? Worried? Pressurised? Perhaps each and every one of these.
The thing is, Stop letting yourself get upset over shit that won't matter in a couple of years. Stop taking everything so personally. Let these emotions dictate your life and you lose. Accept and embrace the fact that it's what life is all about and you win.
Love yourself. Fall in love with being alive. Fall in love with the little things. Watch 6 am sunrise and 6 pm sunset. Go on a ride or a drive with no destination in mind whatsoever. Stop to take pretty pictures of yourself. Burn your skin from a hot shower after a long day. Sleep in on Saturdays and wake up early on Sundays.
I hope strangers make you smile. I hope your Playlist makes you sing. I hope you fall in love with yourself again.
How do you know if its time to let go of something you were desperately trying to hold on to? It's so painful and damaging to realise that "something" is not worth it anymore. You deny, You lie, "You dread it, run from it" Doesn't matter.
I tried to be the person you expected. I tried to give you everything I had. But, somehow It was never enough. Somehow you were never happy. And somehow, it was always me. I was exhausted. Yes I'm sorry but I was. Chasing after you, all those one sided efforts, all that begging, All that trauma and anxiety and what not.
I was done. It wasn't easy. Losing you was so fucking painful. Giving up on something that I promised to fight for no matter what. But there's a limit. I still remember those sleepless nights. Couldn't even close my eyes without seeing your face, Blinking back tears every time I see your pictures, Deleting conversations and regretting instantly. Still remember each and every single fucking thing I went through.
But I had to. I deserve better, Someone who was willing to fight for the sake of us. Someone who knows what "mutual efforts" mean. I deserve to be loved.
I hope you know that struggling to cope up with isn't a sign of weakness. You have every right to find hope. You have every right to find that teeny tiny piece of happiness. Go ahead and, listen to that one particular song over and over again. read that one meme that makes you laugh. watch episodes of "FRIENDS" or "THE OFFICE". order a pizza for yourself.
Sure, some won't get you or your ways. Might call you weak.
Don't let them get into your head, They have no idea what you've been through. They have no idea what you go through on a daily basis. They don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. They don't know what rock bottom feels like. They don't know what being alone feels like.
I know. I know what it's like. the anxiety, the pressure, the discomfort, I know what each and every one of those things feel like.
There was no one for me when I needed to hear this the most. So here I am, Telling you that you have every right to shun those who ridicule you for appreciating these little things.
"what's she like" I used to think how hard can it be to explain what someone is like until I met you. God, you were so different. How do i even explain your spontaneous character?
Clueless staring at the sky, Comparing the shape of clouds with animals. Waiting at the side of the road just so that you can click "the perfect shot". Listening to Enrique, arijit and maneskin one after the other, Dear God your Playlist was a mess. Staying up all night binge watching dragon ball, I still cannot believe that you never saw Naruto. To be honest it was really hard to accept that you were into anime, haha. Buying a cake for yourself? No occasion whatsoever? Come on, I can't explain this even if I want to. And oh my god your eternal love for stars.
You know what? Maybe you were weird! Maybe you were different! But, You were perfect, Just the way you were. You made it pretty clear that we were not meant to be. It was hard to let go, to move on. And honesty I still think about you. Wouldn't be writing this otherwise.
Not that I still love you or anything tho. It's just that, I'm not used to "normal" anymore. I look for your "weird" everyplace I go.
Be strong enough to change your circle. Be strong enough to cut toxic ties.
Downsize to those who are actually supportive. Let go of their negative edges and grow into who you are actually supposed to be. Sometimes in order to save yourself, you must learn to walk away and let go.
Be strong enough to lose your "best mates". Be strong enough to accept and embrace the reality.
Taking care of your self is most productive investment you can do. Fill your heart with hope so you don't feel like giving up. They'll call you unnecessarily bold. They'll try to clip your wings. Some may ask you to shrink yourself so that you fit inside their box.
Be strong enough to let them down. And when you are done putting yourself back together. They won't recognise you anymore. Give yourself the effort you deserve. Give yourself the peace you promised.
Don't be afraid to grow into someone you are actually supposed to be.
“I found a way to live by gazing stars and meeting poetry an art that I could never touch but feel You were still a being; something alive”.
I have some stones to block the world, which says love is just another sector of lie in which we live and a black magic along with it.
But before doing it I feel illegal to commit my own words because never did I feel the emotion of love I just came across with a mistake unintentional.
I thought I would find myself and erase the lyrics that I sang with agony and my self isolated heart but instead found you and lost everything of me that I collected via my own verse.
I offered you my hair and my sensual skin, priceless. Time, love and the loop of forever was everything I sheltered with your hands but when did I loose my own name, worth and your loyalty, I didn’t know.
I became much of thorns for you and scratched evil eyes to save your smile but when did I become this scary that you found a nightingale of your own and I was just another curse you gave on to your enemies.
I guess I was too much of concern and less of care that made you doubt about my innocence. You know, you were my first and and I didn’t know how to love. I’ll neither beg nor die to hear your voice again, I promise.
Cause with you I have scattered my own smirk and my wholesome laughters, you see. I miss myself along with you and I’ll keep doing it with a fact that I have misplaced these two. And now believe, I didn’t change i just built myself.
Time keeps on running even if we hold them with some people who feel more like a part of our closest breathe and these breathe makes me suffocated sometimes but, I survive.
I hope we find a reason to meet again either the fall of good rain or clash of our paper plane, but not again with a collision by mistake.
With every end, there’s hope buying your tomorrow with someone of your deservance. I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
#Ikhlaas - Part 2. First four lines are from the reference of past, when writer leave her home to pursue her studies. P.s_ shariq: rising from east Chambal: name of a river Koitur: south-dravidian of MP.