I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't awake either; Paralyzed memories, floating around in my dark cold room, kicking my subconscious mind, forcing my eyes to open wide and peep into the world of nightmares.
Shining ghosts from the past, Licking the salt my tears gave up. The young yet haggard soul of mine crying of guilt Trying to escape the cage of life But the heartbeats chained it to the walls of the cage.
I'm a breathing corpse with a wet pillow under a dustbin Which creates mess and stabs my heart with the sharp reality.
One night, when the stars gathered enough power to shine the brightest, Compared to the other nights, She woke up and went to the roof, Hoping she could get a glance of the close one she lost. She looked up, trying hard to see Whether anyone is hiding between the stars, and watching her. But she found none. When the whole city was dead asleep, She kept searching for the person She loved the most, She needed the most beside her. She screamed her lungs out Not caring about her surroundings, "Maa, are you there? Can you see me? Can you see my condition without you? Why did you leave me in this cruel world when you knew they would kill me when you're away? Can't you see the love for you in my eyes? Can't you feel the pain my heart's choking on? Why aren't you answering maa?" She cried a lot that night. She was a kid, with a heart where her innocence mixed with pain, Which gave out blue tears out of her blooming eyes.
She realized that night, The world is an awful lie, where liers rule their kingdom of profits and deception. No city of stars exist, No dead people live there, She was just a kid, whose nonsense heart ate all the lies people spitted When she refused to accept the reality.
Recalling those faces, Familiar yet unfamiliar I looked down From the roof of the skyscraper. The chaotic world seemed so little. The clock was ticking breathlessly, Eagerly running to snatch away someone's life. 11:57 p.m More three minutes for me to turn 18. I felt my heart choking on memories My breathe getting slower with every passing seconds I started losing all the hope to see The sunrise of my 18th birthday Everything paused, my vision blurred The glorious world gradually drowned in darkness My eyes filled with salty tears of fear, Fear of the upcoming tragedy on my family. Silence spread, nothing could be heard Except my heart, screaming for some more time Death knocked on my shoulder My heart beat for the last time Death stood in front of me, coldly. It spread it's arms, embraced me like The very first day my mother did. “Time to leave for the land of peace, Little girl”, said death. I looked down at the moving people For the last time and said, “Let's leave, I'm ready”.
*Post me kuch Bengali lines likhhi hai mene, uski translation* dhake baje, sonkho baje, kashor ghonta baje- drums, conch, kashor (making sound with a stick against one bowl-like thing) were being played
Maa ese geche- maa ( Durga) arrived
gorom gorom fulko luchi- steaming puris alur dom- one kind of dish made by boiling potato
Aj kintu south a jabo- today we'll go to South Kolkata
uthe ja re, prothom batch er anjali dewa sesh- get up, first batch has completed giving "puja".
Maa k boron korte jachhi, tui o chol- I'm going to bid a good bye ( we feed maa and others with sweets as a good bye), you too come with me
(bhasan- taking the idols around the locality before propelling her in the river) Chole aye, bhasan a jabi to- come if you're going to the bhasan
Asche bochhor abar hobe- next year, these will happen again
*Okay, this was the story of every year, before this pandemic *
Hey! How you doing? I hope you are alright. I heard that you are not feeling good so i decided to write to you. Don't feel sad its fine. Everything will be okay just trust in yourself. Don't end it and don't loose now or else you will regret it. What are you doing now? I am sipping my coffee and looking at you. But you are not looking at me . your lying in a corner and crying the whole time. Why? Why do you always care about what others say and why don't you look at yourself. You are special. There is only one you. Don't feel sad. Common stand up . you can do it. The world is beautiful don't give up just by seeing one dam of garbage. Within the trashes there are flowers in the world too. Now stand up and do it. My wishes are with you. And don't worry I care for you :). From - Yourself.