avani____

youtu.be/6DP4q_1EgQQ

how long will it be cute, all this crying in my room?

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  • avani____ 7w

    Hello everyone,
    I've started an Instagram page called @scribblingpolarbear, i post there more often, a better fresher content, and would love to be in contact with my readers and friends with whom I lost touch and those who unfortunately left this place.
    I hope you're staying safe and having a day you deserve. No, I won't ever be posting again on mirakee.
    If you're struggling and have mental health issues I just want to share my favorite quote by Maya angelou " each storm runs out of rain"
    If you want to talk, I'll be there for you.
    This was quite the journey mirakee, not good, not bad. @miraquill @writersnetwork
    See you on the other side
    Be kind
    ~Avi

    Hoping to see you there @nyx_16 @_baazigar_
    ��✨

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  • avani____ 10w

    I don't know the smell of the dead,
    but I know what grief tastes like,
    and what it sounds like,
    like roaring and love spewing souls,
    like ghoul blood in a wordless mouth,
    I know what my heartache feels like,
    a thousand rusted iron locks
    Clanging at the violence of the (fate)ironsmith
    I know what my grief is, and will always be,
    The pseudo light in the deads' eyes
    Everyday in the mirror,
    It's inexplicably vast and unending as my love,
    I know grief.
    ~avani





    My kitten friend died. I'm truly hurt.

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    This world and it's ways
    Are cruel and so terrible, so very terrible.

  • avani____ 11w

    My love isn't peace,
    it's war.
    The very act of stepping into it is violence,
    because missing you,
    is expecting music from hollow bells
    and looking back,
    in empty subways,
    hoping for shadows that never show up.
    My love is lying,
    like painting blue bodied muses,
    Silver, gold, bronze,
    and melting candles on floor,
    until it's steady,
    until you're warm
    until this house is ashes.
    //I love in deafening intensities,
    What you assume as monsters wailing,
    are the sounds of my demons worshipping you.//
    My love is parasitic,
    it'd never rest until the hurt in you,
    is the disease that kills me,
    and your lilac skin,
    is bleeding molten rose gold.
    My love usnt peace, it's war.
    And they next time,
    this hollow yawning void world wonders,
    why you never knew any of it is,
    because
    my love is war.
    And the blood I lick off of these swords,
    is of memories of love undying.
    My love is war.
    // I grow my love in hellholes,
    with portals for beasts and devil,
    So that I'd never leave you
    like they never leave me. //
    ~avani

    Happy Halloween.

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    Grief is memory awake. ~ Emily Dickinson

  • avani____ 13w

    People with mental illness, please know that your brain is an organ, like every other. If your kidney develops a stone, you don't blame yourself, organs can malfunction. So can your brain, you're allowed to feel, express. You matter. Even if everything tells you otherwise.

    Fighting with depression is like a battle. Like, fuck you, I'm choosing to live today, and doing that for every day until things start healing. Don't give up. ~ matt haig ( author of reasons to stay alive )

    Also, please limit the comment box to the topic, that way people will have easier access to things. Thank you.

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    I'm gonna keep this real brief. People are fucked. I mean they're usually always fucked on a general basis. But, amidst covid and stuff, let's face it, things have worsened. Especially their mental health.
    Share your coping mechanisms here, in this post. That's it. For adhd, bpd, depression, anxiety, restless leg syndrome, procrastination, ocd, panic disorders, split personality, eating disorders, whatever.

  • avani____ 13w

    Give me the instagram aesthetic love.
    I've never slept under the sun in fields, with grass singing melodies of heartbreak springs, lie with me, for you I might.
    The waters glimmer like your pearly soul, but I never dare to step in, never did I purify, sanctify my soul, ask me to, for you I might.
    Give me the boring love.
    I want to empty buckets of ice cream watching movies, crying shamelessly looking at dogs, sit in the couch, messy as my mind,
    instead of emptying mascara bottles, instead of dressing up but ending up regretting my life choices.
    Ask me to, for you I might do that too.
    Give me the trusting love.
    Get mad at me for buying a 10th dog or 5th cat, and let me, witness you love them more than you love yourself, because for you I might.
    I dont know, how to pluck stars, steal flowers, or run naked on streets for a bet,
    but I'll give you, a cracking hearth winter,
    sleeping til noon summers.
    Give me the cliche love
    The one of playing your favorite songs when you're not around, because for you, I might.
    Know all your sins, show you all my crimes, but love anyway, Bonnie and Clyde.
    Give me the extraordinary love.
    You.
    For you I'll do the same.

    People single to an unhealthy extent mustn't write such posts. But fuck that.
    Im gonna mock this place until they cry. Miraquill enough?

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    Cliche love post

  • avani____ 13w

    The walls of my room are
    a screaming twilight
    and the epithelial within me,
    is raging iron
    the colour of the sunrays i feel is
    the stolen wealth of kings and queens
    the shade of my mother's children with true roots
    is ember and emerald.

    My skin and mind fight with my bones,
    who quietly wait,
    knowing that they'll wither in the end.
    What is this war within me?
    ~sat chit ananda~
    ~sat chit ananda~

    I pray like the blue of their sky
    and bleed like the Tangerine of their sun
    and cry like their amaranthine love
    and they sit on clouds
    weave lives underneath oceans
    And smile, smile, smile at
    all so ever aubergine like broken souls

    My throat and eyes fight with my heart
    who loudly reminds
    that its a famished cripple.
    What is this war within me?
    ~sat chit ananda~
    ~sat chit ananda~

    ~Avani

    Go-ahead and ignore me.
    I don't sad fish

    @the_lost_melody can everyone is faking

    //but when I'm older
    I'll be so much stronger
    I'll be up for longer //

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    Lilac
    ©_augustine_

  • avani____ 16w

    I'm forgetting you,
    the walls that felt like closing on me,
    Iron spikes like pins on this skin
    are melting away,
    how long has it been since I last saw you again?
    I can't remember
    I want to but it's not there.
    They say it's okay to let it all out,
    wanted to hold on to you, and
    it's all blurry now.

    Changed all you pretended to love
    cry me a river, but i know you won't
    I don't like changes,
    butchering me, these changes
    and I'm letting them.
    I'm forgetting you.
    It's alright.
    I'll be okay.

    I can't write anymore @_firefly not here at least.

    Is this what healing feels like?

    But seriously I'm sick of reading that crazy lovesick shit these 16 year olds keep writing. They love the moon, but fuck they don't even know the names of craters on the moon. Matlab aesthetics ko bhi reuse recycle karte rehte hai and mirakee chooses the best out of waste.

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    Grief remembers
    Heartache keeps maps of burial places
    but nothing stops you from fading

  • avani____ 17w

    A Lonely Liability

    I do not fancy this loneliness,
    and this deep pit pitiless people
    dug and buried me under,
    with the hearse of a hoarse voice from calling,
    calling whom?
    Nobody. The darkness weeps along with me.

    I cannot accept this heartache,
    and this clot of blood and uncalled for delusion - hope
    that coerces me to exist,
    existence someone else put me into,
    but what is it even for?
    Nothing. My myogenic sinks deeper into my hollow mercury soul.

    I do not relish this loneliness,
    and this freezing, craving day 22 of January,
    that proves I encircle the sun every year,
    and yet, remain so gloomy,
    but why am I even this way?
    Worthless. My velvet bones waiting to wither whisper.

    I mustn't accept this heartache,
    and this coal born from my tears,
    until it has blossomed into golden and crystal blues,
    which shall also be, my own doing,
    but what do I wait for now?
    Dawning. The wildflowers on my grave warble.
    ~ avani

    I don't know why you relate to this, but I hope your pain eases soon dear reader. ��✨

    They say I deserve the world, but I'd be more than happy to have a cupcake right now.
    I'm disappointed with the reach. :(
    #runaway_11

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    This loneliness is mine,
    but I do not belong here.

  • avani____ 17w

    Evermore

    Do you know what you smell like
    and feel like, sound like.
    The unassuming liars,
    and the pretentious sweethearts,
    who came long before me and left with your love,
    they'll call you heaven
    your tears would just be tears.
    To me, you're something beyond, outworldly,
    and maybe all of this has been said, said by better people
    but I'll say it anyway.
    Your tears are acid on my skin,
    your rage is lightening terrorizing gods
    and I'm just a tiny fragment from you.
    But tell me, the dearest to me,
    what must it be like, to be you?
    Teach me, would you please,
    To sew together the black clouds with silver twine
    and handle gently the hostile ocean of pain,
    to share a soul with nature, that she blooms mightly so
    and dance along the breeze of golden skies.
    Did I ever tell you,
    the house is quiet when you are,
    its peaceful when you sing.
    Did the gods teach my grandma,
    oh how she carved you out of diamonds,
    a butterfly soul, pearly eyes and opal skin.

    What must you be like,
    when you were where I am today,
    did you caress the broken shards of nature
    sang and woke lives,
    were the open grounds a place to sleep,
    with the sun sheltering, nourishing your flourishing youth.
    All roads that you as integral to me as arteries
    That pump the blood that flows straight to the heart of me,
    You're my Arcadia.
    I'm here forever, for you.

    #runaway_11
    Nana, your daughter turned 50 years old today. We love her. I do. Beyond everything.

    Happy birthday my precious. ♡

    The lines "all roads...heart of me" are taken from Arcadia by Lana Del Rey

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    The words you taught aren't enough for you from me.
    ©_augustine_

  • avani____ 18w

    Autumn and angels

    Yesterday, my dear I stared at the empty skies
    with an empty soul and a hollow love,
    she threw a quilt of sunrays on my cold body,
    but it didn't breathe life in me,
    the way you did.

    I went to the trees I buried my agony under,
    They were blooming,
    Even while you were asleep,
    but, my dearest, they seemed a little happier when you were there.

    I sang to the hunger of my hunters
    they, my darling, they wept,
    they begged, and begged for mercy,
    I rejoiced,
    Does it make me a monster my dear,
    that I rejoiced at their tears,
    the ones they owed to me?

    I touched the glass bottles
    and the scathing acids staring at my soul
    they felt the same, but back then,
    I'd run to you,
    and you'd own my cascading tears,
    and I'd borrow your soothing silences.

    Yesterday, I gazed at the sky my dear,
    and sat on the benches you touched,
    They felt more me than you.
    The trees were dressed in honey gold,
    August left, September wept,
    And I was the happiest girl in this world.
    But my dear,
    Only when I'd lose myself,
    I'd know my value.

    Yesterday, I lent my shoulder to the sky
    and she shared her grievances with me,
    Until she parted for now,
    unlike your one forever that turned out true, my dear, unlike you.
    Today I crushed the pedestal I put you on,
    Burnt the temple I worshipped you in,
    Befriended the skies I looked you in.


    I'm an angel weeping in these ostentatious grounds of autumn
    but I'll tell you the truth,
    The wounds of August are bleeding still,
    but September is healing what we can't see.
    ~ avani

    I tried. This one's a little delicate tho.

    You're everywhere my darling, but nowhere.

    #runaway_11

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    There were no poetries, only pain.
    But atleast now there are angels alongside my grieving autumn..
    ©_augustine_