The artist in me has been suffering through Can't seem to think straight it's frustrating (you know?) The blueness is not blue anymore Is that good? Well some might say so But it feels like I've lost a part of me that was quite too old Maybe it's time for the anaesthetics to roll
The idea of us, just makes me sick I hate you so much that I can't really explain Is it really hate? I wonder sometimes For is it the bitterness knowing you would never be mine
Pathetic is the word for this I keep repeating Subtle heartbreak just took everything You have a pretty decent hold on me It's four in the morning and you got someone drafting a tale for you to please
I got a fixation on you maybe you would like to see? Or read as these poems were all for you to seek Caving in, these walls can be suffocating you can call me selfish as I want you to be with me
the image of you loving someone else just cuts me deep revealing these feelings would push you away from me I don't really want to live my life like this don't want to pretend that I like your new fixes So just meet me one more time in my dreams We can hold hands as I sleep Let me hear your voice sense your touch for the last time in my dream As an artist, I've been suffering for weeks.
Running away , I never wanted to be here Got blood on my hands These voices won't disappear Am I really the monster I've always feared? Thoughts blank i can't apologize as that would be insincere I never wanted to kill her But she was too tenacious A new start a new life would be more comprehensible But I saw you there You , so unbothered yet so brilliant Wasn't scared of the uncertain Came to me as you were the one This time , it was a bit unnatural Dusting the odds, you were so in love Seemed unreal , how can someone love me so much? There was this guilt eating my insides up For you my love , I wanted to change my stuff To redeem the past to be a better man that you deserved But of course the karma was waiting around the corner Love you weren't so pure as I thought of You were like me?! How was that possible? I changed for someone who was as bad as I was The love disappeared when I saw you in blood The image I had broke into millions of words Words screaming straight to my face I realised what I really was infront of these normal faces For now I don't know what to say , I still love you but the air is very different in which I slowly suffocate So lets play this game of roulette Let's see who kills the other one before our love ends.
Running around in circles Pretty confused For a moment you are the one I want to choose Hours can pass by I would still listen to you You are the only one i can blindly follow through Can't think straight when I am around you Some spell has been casted Ring me up when you are ready for someone new I know you can't stay , I wasn't expecting you to Losing my sleep over someone is quite new Conflicted about many things , I should put my thoughts on a rest just for you Be lyric to the rhythm I made only for you Scared of vulnerability but I don't mind falling for you Hold my hand while I across this internal hell fire just to be with you Not that good with words but you know I will always protect you I will kill for you I will die for you , who would ever love you like I do? We are meant to be together and I will make sure that we do So just let me know when you want to be with someone new.
Circling around me is your voice Echoing through my mind as each day passes by "It's complicated" should be our main sign Seriously though, how do we always speak at the same time? Got a fever after talking to you, that adrenaline rush was quite fine Boy, you see how brain dead you get me each time? Known to be the sarcastic one, now I don't take the pride Each word I speak , I always end up regretting it (oh my) It's still pleasant to be around you and you know why You know I don't like certain types Very interesting is the fact that you are now almost like this drug which makes me thrive Crazy how I said I will never change my depressing writing style And now look! You got me a little energized? Enthusiastically writing about you , while you still can't figure out what I actually meant by that specific line It's good to see you worry about me all the time, Pretty decent control you have over my mind Your laugh does make me smile , I hate how important you've become to me in this small period of time Though again this piece is of no use Pathetic word play won't get me close to you I don't think you will get the clue Hence we will go back to listen your favourite song on loop.
Crumbling up another piece Debating whether you even deserve this I've been crying over the same songs that we shared How easily you chose to disappear burning sensation of your touch still lasts I think I would rather walk past Walk past this time my eyes low So that I don't end up feeling so shallow I get your reasons for this case Someone was already your fix Maybe I want to be someone just for you Or maybe a memory that you remember while feeling blue? I watch as the flames go dull The smell of the candle you gifted took over Why do you exist in the darkest of corners Why my mind thinks of you at slightest of bother I hope that you're proud Can't even count how many times I've let you down I did thought of writing you a letter But it was just curses in cursive love Running away from these feelings is what I do Scared of showing emotions has got me to you Sincerely, I just want to push you out But I'm just too damn selfish to follow this route.
Drifting through my thoughts Arranging different rhymes Sipping on my coffee Visit me once in a while? Those polaroids still locked up in that cupboard Maybe I should burn them this night? Or maybe I should wait for you to show up (In real life this time) Attention, pretty unneeded when it's not from you You got me in this chokehold I suffocate more souls then you! Change of flow change of theme Tried everything but I still come back to these sad bits Pretty sadistic of you to enjoy my skits Talking in circles , I never usually make sense To you however , my words are the holy grail Served to you , for you but you never prevail I owe you one for the sad eyes that you gave Beautiful? Soulless some might say Rightfully so as they always search for you endlessly through out the day At night they stare at the blank paper They see me scribble down our tales While they weep silently in pain.
Knocking on your door How many bangs would it take? Dancing through your lies Was I that late? What were we? I need to question myself everyday Maybe two lovers but of different story tales? It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we did Every thing we shared and every trouble that we made But I still want to see that bloody smile on your face Running in that club with your hand on my waist Maybe I miss that warmth or maybe I'm going Insane Remembering our dance under the sky which had our fate All I could see was you as my main How your eyes were fixed on mine throughout the night how you would whisper my name with all affection which was quite suffice Rewinding back those memories stuck in my Polaroid 7 years gone maybe you did scar me for life
Not that talkative I see But neither am I , don't you agree? Just staring at eachother Blood rushing through my cheeks Everyone knows we ain't that slick Nah can you stop smiling at me? How do you expect me to feel the heat? Touching the back of my hand intentionally And now you are staring at your phone screen These games are getting very tiring I saw your friends, they were laughing While your eyes were on me 'Angel in disguise' is that what you see? I don't want to break your heart but that ain't me I have my own flaws so deep You are too naive for me But seriously though Why does your voice make my heart skip a beat Conflicting feelings maybe I need some sleep? Or should I ponder on this fact? indeed Judging by the hints you give There's definitely something in between Heavy metaphors aren't my bit When it comes to you Raw emotions take the shift Now I guess it's my time to flee Not gonna lie This crush culture is killing me.
People will call me coward if I would let them. If I quit today, I'm a coward. I know I'm. I do wanna quit. Sometimes, I think let's end it here. But I'm scared you know. I long to belong but I fail, that's why I call myself a failure. It's not good to be negative this much but I can't help myself. I'm just an alien, who feels like a ghost, a non existent echo in an abandoned building where homeless people come to stay, sometimes for a week, sometimes for a month. I can't belong cuz I don't exist. But I feel like I do, it's maybe cuz I breathe or maybe cuz I can still feel my pulse running like adrenaline. I'm gonna be a doctor cuz my father told me so. A few months later maybe I'll get into a medical college or maybe I won't but.... But this hypochondriac and battered soul of mine will never recover, maybe cuz it's hard for me to just let things go, I guess I'm super fragile than I let people see. I'm extremely fragile little things hurt me, it drives me insane, it breaks me into thousand pieces but I hate to admit it. Maybe because I want to keep that mask of a strong girl that I never was. But all the treacherous storms that I have survived it would be unfair to say that I'm not strong, I surely am. My life is a battlefield, where peace never chased me back like my high school crush. This time I wanted to lose myself in the arms of ataraxia, and not in my mother's lap cuz she scares me... You know! I don't feel safe and maybe I never will, but instead I ended up losing myself in chaos painted pretty with all the colors in the world. But now I have realized that I am nothing but a chaos, I'm the victim and the hero of my story. I want to die you know, but I'm coward. I probably won't end myself but let this chaos end here. Maybe, a coward never tastes death even after getting killed by someone or something. A coward is immortal. A coward lives in the dark dungeon of hopelessness where nothing can penetrate not even death.
(Just a sad, lonely and confused rant, you don't need to understand or read but thanks I guess.)
"Take me home, where I belong... I can't take it anymore!"
I was thirteen when the stray birds of Tagore's meadow flew with me in the blue of unseen silence and I, an adult mystery of sumptuous zephyr, was drowning in the metaphors of love songs.
I was twenty three when the mad girl's love song eloped from Plath's porch and knocked my door in a midnight to rinse my heartbreak and I, an unforeseen disaster, fell asleep in the snowy syllables of her verse.
I was thirty nine when the only wallflower of Sexton outstared at me from my daughter's textbook and reminded me the bygone days of parables and poetries but I, a long-suffering mother, did not get time to caress the bruises of silent summer.
I was seventy seven when I was trying to read my buried poems in a nostalgic night through my evasive glass and wistfully wrinkled cheeks and the starry night asked, "Do you still write poems ?" Some teardrops were swaying towards my lappet unknowingly and the essence of a forgotten poet was infesting on my yearning welkin.
𝗔 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘𝗙𝗜𝗘𝗟𝗗 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗪𝗢 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗦 ~(death waits until the arrival of him)
Cloud after a cloud of a mournful night He ran towards the battle field after the final March in front the warrior woman standing on the hills against the solemn sky. when the world fights a war, she weave poetries like a lost sailor while pistols loaded with hopeless sonnets and riffles hanged with silent tears as he caged the fears under the iron suit he sang the song of innocent sacrifice whispering a hope in her deafened ear until she promise him forever together as“I breathe,wait and hope”for you return again carrying the crown of victory washing away the crimson blood in sea
Day after day breeze growls louder sprinkling blood on the page of poetry that she mends with night constellations while dressing the moon with her empty fears “A part of me is holding back tears”, his ears pierced echoing the words that loaded with her tongue and scars embracing weapons that float on blood. She swims in the depth of sulpiride every night where she died like the dead roses waiting for a dawn with water to stand still with the burden of hope,he appears until. the poetries are being dried like wilted daffodils but the war is shredding blood every second between the sunrise and sunset,with a hope she sleeps with the moon concealed with fog And it’s winter until now he haven’t come
How do you know if its time to let go of something you were desperately trying to hold on to? It's so painful and damaging to realise that "something" is not worth it anymore. You deny, You lie, "You dread it, run from it" Doesn't matter.
I tried to be the person you expected. I tried to give you everything I had. But, somehow It was never enough. Somehow you were never happy. And somehow, it was always me. I was exhausted. Yes I'm sorry but I was. Chasing after you, all those one sided efforts, all that begging, All that trauma and anxiety and what not.
I was done. It wasn't easy. Losing you was so fucking painful. Giving up on something that I promised to fight for no matter what. But there's a limit. I still remember those sleepless nights. Couldn't even close my eyes without seeing your face, Blinking back tears every time I see your pictures, Deleting conversations and regretting instantly. Still remember each and every single fucking thing I went through.
But I had to. I deserve better, Someone who was willing to fight for the sake of us. Someone who knows what "mutual efforts" mean. I deserve to be loved.
What died before death in a rusty morning beam? is it a soul of love that pierce walking lonely in streets?or is it a soul of saudade lost naked in a city blinded with dust and sin? can I not find an answer for an undeniable question as it lack confidence with dead-ends
plenty of hatred more towards the love I threw into a stone heart expecting a resin-pressed love, yet I loved a little more than I loved myself as a squeezed rose that fragrance in a broken heart though did it worth a little feel of care? unless burned alive into crimson ashes and buried under a dried poetry page
Is my sonnet not enough for you? to dance barefoot in the rain of love as you turn a page and touch another life expecting a fairytale but you never knew it would spin into a nightmare that haunts in daylight remember,never close that page and turn back for a fantasy as I’ll be gone far away six feet apart from the sands
The moment between saying goodbye and leaving,I ran from the law, without defense,numbing myself; how could you expect that I’ll stay and wave my hands with a smile? as my tears sting along the dimples and faint while zipping my words; how could you expect that I’ll stay and wish you whole heartedly when you stare at me like I’m someone but no one to you in your life phase
Everything ended without a beginning ‘til I grow with a hope full of repentance as a lone girl and a familiar song, sitting in a broken swing with a messy braid playing melodies with empty promises moaning at a broken glass tearing down and like the scars that stay forever I wish we could sing the lyrics together playing a stringless guitar on a moonlit night
I'll probably not blame myself for what happened to you, because that is something I promised to someone who is kind of what you were and will always be to me.
When you left, you took away everything. Hours feel like days, days feel like months, months feel like years and everything is still the same, just that you're not there to make it any different, cause you were the only one who could. It gets heavy and I've no idea what to do now. How did you make it so easy for me? How did you took away the heaviness that suffocated me? You were always there, holding onto me, never left my side, Even when we had our stupid fights or Even on the nights I pushed you away, You held me like the light in the darkness. I had you, all of you and now, I have just the memories, which we don't make anymore.
You're the reason i know love, You taught me what love is, You taught me how to love, You showed me what its like to love someone without any expectations. You taught me that you don't give up on the people you love.
//I gave up on myself, while you never did.//
How could you be the only one that made everything better, not temporarily but permanently.
//Sometimes I think the universe was jealous of us, and that's why it took you away from me. Because in this temporary world, we were a forever, weren't we?//
You're the reason I look up at the sky and cry a little more, cause somewhere out there, i know you're there too. I try not to look up anymore, But I still do, Cause whenever I look up, I feel like you're looking at me too and in that moment, I feel whole. -gelukzoeker