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  • arpita_29 2w

    I wish to see you , but I won't be able to , I know

    I wish to see you this year,
    then I know I won't be able to
    or should I say I don't want to
    gaze you like a stranger when it's time to
    say see you again,
    yes, again will not being able to hug you,
    not being able to tell you how happy I feel
    with just a glimpse of yours & how sad I felt
    when you were right there but I didn't put efforts.
    I wanted to hug you but didn't felt right then
    or should I be honest & say I have never learnt to share my friends, things , chocolates & chips, nothing , I can't share anything,
    not at all!

  • arpita_29 5w

    While flipping a page of the novel ,
    having the last sip of my coffee,
    I recalled, it's been a year to this day
    when I got butterflies in my stomach

  • arpita_29 6w

    I know-I know , it's really hard
    to address our own flaws , our own
    short comings,our own fears,
    fear of being a wife , a daughter in-law,
    a mother;
    at this hour of this day , of this year,
    all these happenings which we girls are witnessing, tolerating while keeping our lips
    zipped up most of the times,
    I wish I would say the truth out when I
    was being asked several time before
    but all I chose was silence , just silence.
    Why I don't want to get married , be a mother,
    as childbirth is a blessing they say but deep
    down I know that once abused child
    turn out to be one of the most horrific,
    abusive parent.
    Fears give birth to fears , pain begets pain ,
    nothing can fix these insecurities from
    getting inherited,
    I always pray to heal my sick, stubborn brain,
    which is snatching away all the happiness out
    out my sweet little heart.
    Maybe someday those invisible scars imprinted
    upon my soul will heal, maybe someday I will
    be happy from within, yes , maybe someday.

  • arpita_29 6w

    It's all about perceiving
    what fascinates your eyes
    & what will actually satisfy
    your soul.
    Take ample amount of time
    but make sure to have a firm
    rudder before you come across
    a high tide.

  • arpita_29 7w

    The circumstances which I encounter,
    the pupil I meet , the things , places , food
    memories I share, lessons I learnt from them is just a perception which water the blooming plant of trust issues well & now it's not a sapling anymore , instead it's a big huge tree, firmly
    rooted inside the ground.
    When things become so heavy to gulp it in,
    I start to write it out , just to vent it out ,
    when that thumping organ ,placed in the leftmost corner of my upper half starts to beat fast ,
    I sit back & ponder upon , what mistakes I did ? why it's me , everytime? who is losing
    every opportunity ??
    opportunity to smile , to fly , to roam around without any restrictions , with no strings which will be there to pull me back , a free bird is all I want to be , the more I want to explore the world out there , the more I repent how I put a halt upon my own growth , how I put my dreams on denial state , it's me who lacks self esteem , it's me who trust
    blindly , and ends up giving myself scars which never heals , it just bleeds , giving more & more pain , an everlasting agony.
    These fears; fear of failure , fear of getting my soul torn apart again, fear of criticism, are hitting so hard these days , leaving me in a state of plight ,
    how to handle myself again , when all I got is me & my fears along with me , who are just ready to engulf me , leaving no traces , no traces behind
    so that my dear ones will know atleast , yes I exist, I exist , I have some worth atleast , some worth to
    be independent , I want to live , yet want to die, totally confuse , deplorable , dishearten too how
    I want my life to be & how it's turning around.

  • arpita_29 8w

    Her fascination towards broken , profaned
    things is never ending , maybe because
    she has seen more cries than laughs ,
    been more affine to pain than joy,
    spent a decade , yes almost a decade
    being a good daughter , who agrees to
    everyone putting aside her desires,
    who knows while pleasing her dear ones,
    she will be left all alone , in dismay
    wondering why she can't handle criticism,
    like others do , why she can't tolerate
    anguished ones like others do ?
    she is learning new lessons each day,
    the more she wants to explore the world
    out there , the more she craves to find
    a space somewhere ,where rainbow will
    be the roof above ,snow will be the carpet
    down, all she wants is to discover
    why this loneliness is hitting her up
    again & again,
    specially when everyone is present
    around ??
    probably her kinda solitude is the rarest one
    thing to be found

  • arpita_29 8w

    Time & tide waits for none , I read it
    once during school days, but
    I realised it when burden of the
    responsibilities took over the pain
    of my burning heart.
    Never thought life will change drastically,
    but then maybe few things look good in
    dreams only, yes, only in dreams.
    It comes around what goes around,
    little did I knew what goes around,never
    comes back in the way it went away , never.
    It feels like yesterday I used to shook
    off my shoulders saying Ah! it's very heavy,
    not my cup of tea.
    Now it's this hour to accept whatever is
    coming along & just go with the flow ,just flow ,
    like water which can fit well in any chosen vessel.
    How does it matter ?a bit sooner or latter ,
    they say ,she should be ready to fit in when
    she is asked to.
    She standing there still pondering how this
    misfit will fit in , will she never be happy
    then from within ? yes, no or maybe
    How does it matter actually ?

  • arpita_29 8w

    The Mirror & I

    Whenever I stand in front of the mirror,
    a deep sense of remorse hits me,
    as if time is flying & leaving me
    to question myself , have you accomplished
    anything till now?
    A sense of anxiety , surplus of
    insecurities start enveloping me by then,
    this excruciating pain of witnessing ageing,
    that change of attitude towards life, this fresh
    appetite of being alone , this self- pity being
    is not me , not at all me.
    It's hard to encounter how ravages of time
    have a upper hand in everyone's life , so all I
    need to learn is to face every phase with
    utter grace.
    But what should I do with the past traumas
    then ?
    The day when I feel they are gone , they
    knock my door ;saying "hey there! you
    can't get rid of us so soon okay !
    may be never, you silly girl

  • arpita_29 9w

    Life - a dilemma to encounter , a journey to remember ✨

    We all at a point of time become prisoners confine under the boundaries which are drawn by society, family or many a time by our own parents.
    Running behind imposed dreams will never satisfy our soul, we all are aware of this fact but in this race for a well settled life we often find ourself lost somewhere, completely devastated.
    Life is short, we should enjoy it to the fullest they say but what about these brooding trust issues which we gain each time when we put forth a step to seek heartiest desires. Encountered this dilemma several times ,introspected myself not once but a million times , found a strong fascination towards broken,withered & profaned things or beings whatever it is I don't know.
    Things which are mundane for them , are actually
    attractive for me.
    I know physical damages are visible ,
    they can seek pupils attention within seconds ,
    but they take lesser amount of time to heal you know.
    Emotional impairment is where everything fails.
    No remedy works you see, instead it
    leaves a person completely rotten from inside.
    I agree life is precious , best gift one can
    have from someone is their unconditional
    love and time .
    I will say - "Life - a dilemma to encounter , a journey to remember✨
    PS- Give yourself enough time , learn from your mistakes , each time life pushes you , this society crushes you , rise being above all with a smile , you are the strongest you know❤️

  • arpita_29 10w

    In an era of casual dating & hookups ,
    is there anyone out there who craves to find someone who will write them sweet letters,emotional ones , alarming ones , perhaps a sonnet, no wait a tiny cute poem will also do the work actually, where there will be nothing forced. Just to be labelled as a perfect match there shouldn't be a bartar system organised between the two.
    A promise for a promise for me is a trade-off , yes it is which ends when one fails to fulfill their bit.
    Is there anyone who will be absolutely fine to see you at your worst , see you crying , see you all broken , trembling with fear & traumas of your past , will not run away to other women when you will be dealing with this harsh life , will never tell you beautiful lies just to see you smile but will lend you a shoulder to lean upon , will cry along with you , will laugh along with you , will be okay seeing you this clumsy more often , with no self esteem nothing , still will never miss a chance to motivate you to achieve things which you really want to ,
    I know , I know this wishlist is so long, & precise , but it's not me who craves for someone like this , but every girl who deals with suppression, molestation & all those toxic things which aren't normal actually do bulit huge walls around them , walls which depict well the intensive heap of trust issues they persist.
    PS- just a girl's perspective who wanted to spit it out , so did it !