I am made of quiet storms washing themselves away.
/— Fray Narte/
I and you, You and I. Push me down the cliff. Save me from falling for a melancholic heart.
These days, all the memories, I have with you, are crying, and they will fade away just like the tears on my cheeks. The fire-alarms ticking in my head, pushing my veins harder and harder to ooze out blood with reminiscences of the yore. Where did it all start? Let me mourn and burn myself in the morning, till then let me live the dusk.
The first time ever I saw you. An incredulous sight. That miniscule sight of yours became the monumental truth of my life.
Your eyes- . I have summoned all my strength, and now I'm here, in front of you, my senses failed. What happened? I didn't realize that it was the first time when I lost myself to something monumental. You're incredible.
I wanna save that light residing in your eyes, lighting the ways of those who are still going. Tears fall down and freeze to death, now what remains is "regrets of not being true to myself."
I knew myself so well, but I was with my feelings, I tamed my own soul and my soul followed my words.
I am a person who does not believe in prayers, but I prayed for the first time yesterday, and I can see the magic, the modus operandi of prayers.
I prayed for you. I prayed that you may have endless supply of wonderful days, and I may never have this urge to see you in future anymore.
May you never come in front of my eyes. And If we ever met, push me down the cliff. so that you may live, and my cemetery may live with the orchids sent by you.
”And I have by me, for my comfort, two strange white flowers - shriveled now, and brown and flat and brittle - to witness that even when mind and strength had gone, gratitude and a mutual tenderness still lived on in the heart of men. H. G. Wells, The Time Machine
और उस दिन जब सबने देखा मुझे, और देख के भी न जान पाए मेरे पसीजते हुए दिल को, तब वो कठोरता का कवच टूट कर बिखर गया। भाग आया था मैं वहाँ से, किसी ने नहीं देखा था, जाने तुमने कैसे देख लिया।
आज तक ये मलाल लिए फ़िरता हूँ, कि कभी समझ नहीं पाया तुम्हें, पहले समझा होता तो आज यूँ पागल सा न फ़िरता। पर, दर्द से ऊँचा है भला कुछ? तुम्ही कहती थी न, और आज जब दर्द असह्य हो गया और मैं बिखर गया तो तुम ही आयी मुझे बचाने। क्यों?
तुम्हें कैसे पता होती हैं वो सारी बातें, जिन्हें मेरी माँ के अलावा और कोई नहीं जानता? क्यों बुखार के वक़्त माँ को भेजकर खुद सारी रात जग कर ख्याल रखती थी? क्यों तुम्हें पता हैं वो सारी बातें जिनसे मैं अंजान हूँ।
मुझे नहीं पता इन सवालों के जवाब, पर तुम, आज जब बहोत दूर हो मुझसे, तो तुम्हारी यादों के बुलबुले मन में बनते और फ़ूटते रहते हैं। याद आता है मुझे तुम्हारे हाथों से परोसा हुआ वो प्यार, जिसे मैं कभी आंक नहीं पाया। आंकता भी कैसे, तुम कितनी गहरी हो, और मैं कितना खोखला।
उस दिन जब तुमने पूछा की, मुझे आज भी हमारे बीते हुए कल की बातें याद हैं, तो मैं कुछ घबराया था, और फिर ठेहर गया, घुल गया उस सन्नाटे में, बाहर क्या हो रहा था कुछ नही दिख रहा था, सब धुंधला था, और फ़िर तुम्हारे स्पर्श से ये पता चला, ये कोई सपना नहीं था, ये तुम थी, काली साड़ी में, तुम्हारे पीले पड़े हुए चेहरे ने, हाँथ में धँसी चूड़ियों ने और हाथ से बहते हुए खून ने मुझे झकझोर दिया था, अंदर क्या था, वो भी जान गया था मैं, जान गया था कि तुम्हारा गुनहगार मैं था, और फ़िर ख्वाबों की दुनिया से असलियत ने ऐसा जा पटका मुझे कि सामने तुम्हारी तस्वीर पर लटके हुए माले में भी मुझे तुम्हारा वो खिले हुए फ़ूल जैसा चेहरा मुरझाते हुए दीख पड़ता था।
Lines in (//) by Dharmvir Bharti Ji Also, I've written this from the boys Pov.
//What's going on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery ride And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright//
You know I was such a mess, I used to think that people who love us, revolve around us and I was so stupid to think that way. You know that assumption I made is totally a blunder, I was blind or something like that. It was all antagonistic, you were the in my fallacy but my thoughts proved me wrong. - , We try to imitate everything about them? Why? Just because we love them. Even when our hobbies won't match, we'll put our guards down and learn to love what our loved ones love. But I was tired. I was tired of putting my guards down everytime, and you always wanted to let me accept what you wanted. Either it be a person, or it be a book, or a random music playlist, anything. And Now I'm done.
//My head's under water But I'm breathing fine You're crazy and I'm out of my mind//
My head is in the grave but I have the honour of this wild grace I carry upon my shoulders. My friend once said or " , , ?" I agree with that friend and I keep humming these lines as if they were a prayer.
I chose to abide hatred, and so I'm offered hatred. I remember how you came up with that song, //ऐ ज़िंदगी गले लगा ले// the line which said " हमने बहाने से छुप के ज़माने से, पलकों के पर्दों में घर कर लिया, तेरा सहारा मिल गया है ज़िंदगी... and so on. I was shattered, you came to pacify me. Or was it a dream? It was the only real thing I got to see with you. I was crying on your shoulders after these lines crossed my soul as if they were a sword which pierced me into two, and then you held my hands and made me dance, the last dance probably(Not), ~Surely.
//Cause all of me Loves all of you Love your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose, I'm winning//
I was devastated, the flickering lights of the streets where we chilled all day long, were burning all my blood left in my body. The lights made me realize how uncertain you were, just like , in short, uncertain, the lights were temporary, permanent ~darkness was. Even when I had nothing but you beside me, I had it all. Whatever I lost was nothing in front of you but you left and the flickering stopped and the hopes given up.
// ? Even when you're , you're too The world is beating you , I'm around through every mood , ' , ' // ~
I remember my sister asked me to listen to this song and honestly this was a drug, then. Made me run all day long, cause it was the hope I had, hope I saved, hope I left. Wanted you to say that stop being someone else, stop pretending that you're happy, but just like the flickering lights, you left..you made me believe that you'll come back, and YOU will come back to me, you came but you never told.
And I decided to find you, your existence is just like mother's lap on a very bad day, you came to fill all the voids, which I left at its own. Though, it pained, but not more than your leaving.
I found you, even when you found, you didn't. Because you never wanted me. And I was a fool to believe your promises, you made ~Years ago.
You came back, you wanted to say SORRY, but all you got to write was a eulogy. I never accepted your apology, will I accept your eulogy, do you think that I will? ~not a fool anymore.
This fact made me dive deep into the volume these sets of letters carry. It has been a long time since I have given up on improving my write ups but now I am resurrecting those dead thoughts as if they were kept in a herbarium for using it in future! Maybe or Maybe Not!
I have 83 years remaining in my life (Human life expectancy which is so so unstable), and sometimes I think "when would I be able to turn off the alarm before it rings?" Hahah, silly? Yeah! I'm a lovable chap, maybe! I haven't planned anything for myself for these upcoming years but what I've learnt in last seventeen years is what I'm gonna appreciate always.
Growing up is a part, you can't ignore. And with all the changes comes challenges too, //We should strive to welcome change and challenges, because they are what help us grow./
And I keep drowning in my thoughts, ifs and buts, maybes and may not be's, but then after dwelling on my past experiences, I've concluded that: , .
We will get what we are supposed to or we are supposed to get what we receive? There are endless questions, and more than that, there are infinite possibilities, I must be or not. I can be or not. I may exist or not. These are mind tricking questions, but what we seek is answers of forevers, which speaks, but in a tongue-tied manner and thus, we thrive to get our answers and gradually, we pass our whole life seeking responses of inexistent questions.
He huddled up as the dry September breeze wafted over him, something inside him rose to its feet his thoughts aligned themselves with a voice, a voice that was now standing tall, a voice that had no shape or form, a voice that had been hushed and forgotten, a voice that had reached a crescendo; she drew up her knees, as she sat down beside him, something glistened in her fierce eyes something feminine, something he yearned for.
The clouds parted above their heads, the wind tickled the tree that housed them, a few leaves tinged with yellow fell on the ground; tears of laughter. The two of them sat there smiling at the night sky as the stars aligned, and the universe looked them in the eye and the whispers they exchanged echoed throughout the night.
/continuum/ Lemme fly over the blue clouds that ceased the stars to shine, rays to fall, love to pamper and for the end, to start.
Or did they always exist, latent, hidden, virgin, unseen? My legs tremble, my faith shambles and then i forget to walk. So let me fly today with my fragile wings to twist, to turn, to glide, to fall
let me drown, let me sink so I'd breathe, if not the same way I used to do earlier then little differently today. So let me breathe under the oceans that i long feared to cross, to swim, to plunge, to rise
don't you try to push me to the corner of my room, webs and webster lies where and to question my answers for my already existing existence.
don't you mistake my feeble beating heart with a burden that i hold, silence is a medicine that beats louder in a room.
I feel a void in me not the one that's going to eat me, it's gonna take me to an end, for a start.
To celebrate the anniversary of a life well lived by one of my mentors here and a brother to me, I do a repost of the first collab I had with him @ /kehta hai joker, which was his idea that came from a post he had done earlier on religion filled with lots of questions. I only hope to meet you when the day comes to join you in the spirit realm Titled A Conversation With God ------------------------------------------------------------------------
QUESTIONING GOD by kehati hai joker Did we create god after coming first , or God really did make us Is there a divine plan that has gone bust Or Is that just nonsense, superflous.
If I met god on a downtown bus Why should I submit and blindly trust And not stop to debate and discuss why some sleep hungry and some get surplus
Why does he need mediators for his arquebus Why can't he be like Dumbledore and use sonorous Why do wallflowers face behavior unjust While ungodly men go unblamed for their ruckus If evil it was,why did he even make lust To win my faith,answer he must
If we come concocted from stardust Then why does vicious shine and virtuous rust If man is bad,then as creator isn't he worst Is this a bubble,that science is about to burst Is there a divine plan that has gone bust Or Is that just nonsense, superflous
GOD ANSWERS by Me So you wanted to debate and discuss Or do you want me to make all your questions just For one to beleive was never made a must Like a sailing ship in life I act as the mast I never look at the misdeeds of the past For if you repent I forgive and lay it at rest All I ask is for the path to be followed at its best I never made but I created you first For I saw the earth bare it would fall to its own rust Don't forget Satan was an but fell from heaven fast Never doubt he was from the beginning and attacks at you lust And if you slip into his den you'll never see past And so my son came to offer life that your redemption may last For my mediators were outnumbered by a vast So to you I lay no cast,and today as you lay get a rest For the question I can't answer is when will be your last For this series I've been with you I have laid my cast