anush18

your emotional states are only real to you

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  • anush18 8h

    I am made of quiet storms washing themselves away.

    /— Fray Narte/



    I and you,
    You and I.
    Push me
    down the cliff.
    Save me from
    falling for a
    melancholic heart.

    These days, all the memories, I have with you, are crying, and they will fade away just like the tears on my cheeks. The fire-alarms ticking in my head, pushing my veins harder and harder to ooze out blood with reminiscences of the yore. Where did it all start? Let me mourn and burn myself in the morning, till then let me live the dusk.

    The first time ever I saw you.
    An incredulous sight.
    That miniscule sight of yours
    became the monumental truth
    of my life.

    Your eyes- �������� ���������� ���� ������������ �������� �������� ������ ���������� ���������� �������� ������������������ ������ ���� ����������������. I have summoned all my strength, and now I'm here, in front of you, my senses failed. What happened? I didn't realize that it was the first time when I lost myself to something monumental. You're incredible.

    I wanna save that light residing in your eyes, lighting the ways of those who are still going. Tears fall down and freeze to death, now what remains is "regrets of not being true to myself."

    I knew myself so well, but I was ���������� with my feelings, I tamed my own soul and my soul followed my words.

    I am a person who does not believe in prayers, but I prayed for the first time yesterday, and I can see the magic, the modus operandi of prayers.

    I prayed for you. I prayed that you may have endless supply of wonderful days, and I may never have this urge to see you in future anymore.

    May you never come in front of my eyes.
    And If we ever met, push me down the cliff.
    so that you may live, and my cemetery may live
    with the orchids sent by you.


    @writersnetwork #cruelc

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    Push me down the cliff.
    ©anush18

  • anush18 8w

    #ProjectHailMary @miraquill @writersnetwork
    #pod #wod

    #TooGlamToGiveAdamn

    ”And I have by me, for my comfort, two strange white flowers - shriveled now, and brown and flat and brittle - to witness that even when mind and strength had gone, gratitude and a mutual tenderness still lived on in the heart of men.
    H. G. Wells, The Time Machine

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    and with all these springs, I've spent bleeding, god,
    have I not bled enough?
    straying in the wuthering heights,
    trying to fill the pit of random happiness,
    I go down, more and more,
    happiness being hollow,
    carrying a heart, mellow.
    I want to see myself drown once —
    Just once in such graceful, calm, permanent surrender.
    for the last time.
    ©anush18

  • anush18 8w

    Face this world. Learn its ways, watch it, be careful of too hasty guesses at its meaning. In the end you will find clues to it all.
    H.G. Wells, The Time Machine

  • anush18 10w

    my skin has always been mine to break.
    now I have realized that loving you was in
    my nature, deep down in my bones.
    and shattering was yours.
    i burn, you watch.
    i die, you fly.
    i'm an old book
    preserved in a
    banned museum,
    where, visits no one,
    but insects and reptiles,
    bleeding but thriving.
    ©anush18

  • anush18 10w

    The song ENSLAVED BY BARREN GATES INSPIRED ME A HELL LOT TO WRITE THIS.

    #ProjectHailMary @miraquill @writersnetwork
    Lines in (//) not mine.. Chaotic :D
    #city #TooGalmToGiveAdamn

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    //I've been stuck in my life.
    I don't even wanna scream,
    I'm just smoking my grace,
    I've been staring at the ceiling
    as the radio plays.//
    I've been waiting for the beasts,
    to conquer the fields, barren and droughted.
    I've seen the worst and now I pray for a curse,
    To give me holy death, but I fear of being a devil.
    I don't deserve a death, they say.
    I will survive and stray, they say.
    I will roam and stay, they say.

    I'll be setting this whole city on fire,
    they will float on the molten fire.
    And I'll watch them burn?
    Is there a blessing?
    Do heaven exists?
    I wait to see the garlands of death.
    I wish to die at the pre-dawn so that I can be forgotten,
    as my slavery gets buried in the pit of anxiousness.
    ©anush18

  • anush18 10w

    ~ज़िंदगी लोगों से समर्पण करवा लेती है
    पर मैंने तो ज़िंदगी से समर्पण करा कर
    उसके हथियार रख लिये है।
    • No copyrights


    #ProjectHailMary

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    I've stopped discussing everything to my
    heart that I once used to.


    Nothing.
    I'm a sold dead corpse,
    I don't know if I am walking,
    I don't know if I am alive,
    I don't know anything that I do.


    Oh, the graveyards muggy smell has a symbiotic relationship with my rotten aesthetics. The memories with my heart, that is, my lost friend, who died long ago, are bizarre and blurry.
    I will see you soon.
    Amen..

    #ProjectHailMary
    ©anush18

  • anush18 11w

    और उस दिन जब सबने देखा मुझे, और देख के भी न जान पाए मेरे पसीजते हुए दिल को, तब वो कठोरता का कवच टूट कर बिखर गया। भाग आया था मैं वहाँ से, किसी ने नहीं देखा था, जाने तुमने कैसे देख लिया।

    आज तक ये मलाल लिए फ़िरता हूँ, कि कभी समझ नहीं पाया तुम्हें, पहले समझा होता तो आज यूँ पागल सा न फ़िरता। पर, दर्द से ऊँचा है भला कुछ? तुम्ही कहती थी न, और आज जब दर्द असह्य हो गया और मैं बिखर गया तो तुम ही आयी मुझे बचाने। क्यों?

    तुम्हें कैसे पता होती हैं वो सारी बातें, जिन्हें मेरी माँ के अलावा और कोई नहीं जानता? क्यों बुखार के वक़्त माँ को भेजकर खुद सारी रात जग कर ख्याल रखती थी? क्यों तुम्हें पता हैं वो सारी बातें जिनसे मैं अंजान हूँ।

    मुझे नहीं पता इन सवालों के जवाब, पर तुम, आज जब बहोत दूर हो मुझसे, तो तुम्हारी यादों के बुलबुले मन में बनते और फ़ूटते रहते हैं। याद आता है मुझे तुम्हारे हाथों से परोसा हुआ वो प्यार, जिसे मैं कभी आंक नहीं पाया। आंकता भी कैसे, तुम कितनी गहरी हो, और मैं कितना खोखला।


    उस दिन जब तुमने पूछा की, मुझे आज भी हमारे बीते हुए कल की बातें याद हैं, तो मैं कुछ घबराया था, और फिर ठेहर गया, घुल गया उस सन्नाटे में, बाहर क्या हो रहा था कुछ नही दिख रहा था, सब धुंधला था, और फ़िर तुम्हारे स्पर्श से ये पता चला, ये कोई सपना नहीं था, ये तुम थी, काली साड़ी में, तुम्हारे पीले पड़े हुए चेहरे ने, हाँथ में धँसी चूड़ियों ने और हाथ से बहते हुए खून ने मुझे झकझोर दिया था, अंदर क्या था, वो भी जान गया था मैं, जान गया था कि तुम्हारा गुनहगार मैं था, और फ़िर ख्वाबों की दुनिया से असलियत ने ऐसा जा पटका मुझे कि सामने तुम्हारी तस्वीर पर लटके हुए माले में भी मुझे तुम्हारा वो खिले हुए फ़ूल जैसा चेहरा मुरझाते हुए दीख पड़ता था।



    Lines in (//) by Dharmvir Bharti Ji
    Also, I've written this from the boys Pov.

    The quote in (*...*) by unknown writer.

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    मैंने वो माला फ़ेंक दिया, पर नीचे देखा तो तुम्हारी तस्वीर टुकड़ों में टूटी पड़ी थी, आँसू जम चुके थे, चाह कर भी नहीं रो पा रहा था मैं, सीना फ़ट रहा था और सर में ऐसा दर्द हो रहा था कि किसी के मुख से निकला मेरा नाम भी बार बार तुम्हारी याद दिला रहा था।

    तुम मिट्टीज़दा कहती थी न मुझे, भले ही ये शब्द न हो इतिहास में, पर तुम्हारी दी इस पहचान को कैसे जाने दे सकता था मैं? //"दर्द इंसान के यक़ीदे को और मज़बूत न कर दे, आदमी के क़दमों को और ताक़त न दे, आदमी के दिल को ऊँचाई न दे तो इंसान क्या?”//

    //कभी-कभी उदासी भी थक जाती है।//
    और फ़िर ले जाती है हमें उन मीठे पलों में, जिन्हें हम जी तो नहीं सकते पर अपने आप को जीता हुआ महसूस कर सकते हैं। याद है मुझे कैसे तुम तालाब के किनारे बैठकर, अपनी छाया को बनते देख उसे मिटा रही थी मानो तुम्हारा अस्तित्त्व बनाने और मिटाने का अधिकार प्रकृति ने तुम्हें सौंप दिया हो, समझ जाना चाहिए था मुझे तब कि तुम मिट्टी कि ही तरह अपने मिट्टीज़दा के हाथों से फ़िसल रही हो, पर तब समझ नहीं पाया, और अब तुम्हें खो दिया। मुझे देखते ही झेंप गयी थी तुम, और खो गयी थी कहीं दूर, जहाँ से न तुम्हें बुला पाता और न तुम मुझे सुन पाती। और देखो, मैं नहीं ला सका तुम्हें।

    *कल के बीते पल से बेहतर
    होते याद के अक्स अक्सर।*
    मान चुका हूँ अब कि कुछ ज़ख़्म ऐसे होते हैं, कि ज़िंदगी खत्म होने पर भी वो दर्द मन को कचोटता रहता है।
    और तुम्हारे जले हुए अंश पानी में डालने के बाद ऐसे घुल गए जैसे तुम कभी थी ही नहीं। और आज भी तुम्हारे ना होने का गम और खोखला कर रहा है मुझे।
    ©anush18

  • anush18 11w

    //What's going on in that beautiful mind?
    I'm on your magical mystery ride
    And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright//

    You know I was such a mess, I used to think that people who love us, revolve around us and I was so stupid to think that way. You know that assumption I made is totally a blunder, I was blind or something like that. It was all antagonistic, you were the ���������������������� in my fallacy but my thoughts proved me wrong. ������ ���������� ����- ���� �������������� ������������ ���������� ���� ��������, We try to imitate everything about them? Why? Just because we love them. Even when our hobbies won't match, we'll put our guards down and learn to love what our loved ones love. But I was tired. I was tired of putting my guards down everytime, and you always wanted to let me accept what you wanted. Either it be a person, or it be a book, or a random music playlist, anything. And Now I'm done.


    //My head's under water
    But I'm breathing fine
    You're crazy and
    I'm out of my mind//

    My head is in the grave but I have the honour of this wild grace I carry upon my shoulders. My friend once said or �������� ������������������ ���� ���������� "������ �������� ���� �������� �� ���������������� ��������, ���� ���������� ����������, ����������?" I agree with that friend and I keep humming these lines as if they were a prayer.

    I chose to abide hatred, and so I'm offered hatred.
    I remember how you came up with that song, //ऐ ज़िंदगी गले लगा ले// the line which said " हमने बहाने से छुप के ज़माने से, पलकों के पर्दों में घर कर लिया, तेरा सहारा मिल गया है ज़िंदगी... and so on. I was shattered, you came to pacify me. Or was it a dream? It was the only real thing I got to see with you. I was crying on your shoulders after these lines crossed my soul as if they were a sword which pierced me into two, and then you held my hands and made me dance, the last dance probably(Not), ~Surely.


    //Cause all of me
    Loves all of you
    Love your curves
    and all your edges
    All your perfect
    imperfections
    Give your all to me
    I'll give my all to you
    You're my end and my beginning
    Even when I lose, I'm winning//

    I was devastated, the flickering lights of the streets where we chilled all day long, were burning all my blood left in my body. The lights made me realize how uncertain you were, just like ���� ������ �������� ���������� �������������� ���� ���� ����������, in short, uncertain, the lights were temporary, permanent ~darkness was. Even when I had nothing but you beside me, I had it all. Whatever I lost was nothing in front of you but you left and the flickering stopped and the hopes given up.

    //������ �������� ���������� ���� �� �������� ���� �������� ������?
    Even when you're ������������, you're ������������������ too
    The world is beating you ��������,
    I'm around through every mood
    ���������� ���� ������ ����������, ����'���� �������� �������������� ������������
    �������������� ���� ������, ������������ ����'�� ��������// ~�������� ������������


    I remember my sister asked me to listen to this song and honestly this was a drug, then. Made me run all day long, cause it was the hope I had, hope I saved, hope I left. Wanted you to say that stop being someone else, stop pretending that you're happy, but just like the flickering lights, you left..you made me believe that you'll come back, and YOU will come back to me, you came but you never told.

    And I decided to find you, your existence is just like mother's lap on a very bad day, you came to fill all the voids, which I left at its own. Though, it pained, but not more than your leaving.

    I found you, even when you found, you didn't. Because you never wanted me. And I was a fool to believe your promises, you made ~Years ago.

    You came back, you wanted to say SORRY, but all you got to write was a eulogy. I never accepted your apology, will I accept your eulogy, do you think that I will? ~not a fool anymore.

    And now the last verse,
    //My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
    I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you//
    ©all of me, The legendary ~John Legend


    The only song that I wanted you to sing was -All of me, but now I sing.

    //Was I stupid to love you?
    Was I reckless to help?
    Was it obvious to everybody else
    That I'd fallen for a lie?
    You were never on my side
    Fool me once, fool me twice
    Are you death or paradise?
    Now you'll never see me cry
    There's just no time to die//
    ©Billie Elish

    ©anush18
    Dismiss! ��


    That friend is- @surefire

    I love you all~John Legend, Toby Gad.
    ~Billie Elish, FINNEAS
    ~Gulzar Sahab ����

    Voice matter, but before that the writer matters as well! ��

    #mysticaugust #writersbay @writersnetwork #ceesreposts #pod #TooGalmToGiveAdamn

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    The truth: We revolve around those we love!
    ©anush18

  • anush18 11w

    We don't know our ends, but our end knows us!

    This fact made me dive deep into the volume these sets of letters carry. It has been a long time since I have given up on improving my write ups but now I am resurrecting those dead thoughts as if they were kept in a herbarium for using it in future! Maybe or Maybe Not!

    I have 83 years remaining in my life (Human life expectancy which is so so unstable), and sometimes I think "when would I be able to turn off the alarm before it rings?" Hahah, silly? Yeah! I'm a lovable chap, maybe! I haven't planned anything for myself for these upcoming years but what I've learnt in last seventeen years is what I'm gonna appreciate always.

    Growing up is a part, you can't ignore. And with all the changes comes challenges too, //We should strive to welcome change and challenges, because they are what help us grow./

    And I keep drowning in my thoughts, ifs and buts, maybes and may not be's, but then after dwelling on my past experiences, I've concluded that: �������� �������� �� �������� ��������������������, �� �������� ���� ������.

    We will get what we are supposed to or we are supposed to get what we receive? There are endless questions, and more than that, there are infinite possibilities, I must be or not. I can be or not. I may exist or not. These are mind tricking questions, but what we seek is answers of forevers, which speaks, but in a tongue-tied manner and thus, we thrive to get our answers and gradually, we pass our whole life seeking responses of inexistent questions.

    ������ ������������, �������������� ������!
    ©����������18

    ��������������_��������_��������!
    #ProjectHailMary
    #mysticaugust #ceesreposts @writersnetwork

    What a reach I've.. Man. Pretty.
    #TooGalmToGiveAdamn @miraquill

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    //Life has unknown entities which is beyond our //

  • anush18 11w

    #ceesreposts @writersnetwork #TooGalmToGiveAdamn

    Dark was the night, and cold was the ground.
    Leaving isn't as hard as it seems. . . OK?

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    The orange tinted sky
    still showers azure of
    untainted and
    unfathomable love
    from the heavens,
    and we keep abiding
    the hatred!
    ©anush18