स्कूल के बाद कॉलेज की पढाई के लिए दिल्ली जाना पड़ा, पहली बार परिवार से और आरुष से इतना दूर जाना था। और आज जब कॉलेज खत्म करके घर जाने की बारी है तो इस घर की रह रह के बड़ी याद आ रही थी। दिल्ली में ना जाने कैसे इतना घुल मिल गयी की अब दिल्ली छोड़ने का मन ना था, मगर दूसरी तरफ़ माँ सा, बापू सा और आरुष से मिलने की खुशी भी थी, वो गुमटी याद है मुझे, कैसे आते वक्त आरुष ने वहाँ बिठा कर सब ध्यान से समझाया था और फ़िर मेरे रो जाने पर उसने हम दोनों के लिए कुल्लहड़ की अदरक वाली चाय पी थी, कम चायपत्ति, ज़्यादा दूध, आलू मेथी, पालक पनीर ये सब तो उसे नींद से जगा कर भी खिला दो तो वो बुरा नहीं मानता था।
वो गुमटी और उस पर चाय वाले बूढ़े अंकल और उनकी सीख सब याद है। आज सालों बाद पुष्कर लौट रही हूँ तो सारी तस्वीरे आँखों में अपने आप उभर जा रही हैं। इतने में आरुष का कौल आया, मैं इन यादों में इतनी गुम थी की अभी का कुछ अता पता ना था पर थोड़ी देर में मैंने फ़ोन उठाया और पता चला की उसे मेरे आने का बहुत इंतज़ार है। मैंने शर्म से कुछ कहा नहीं पर आरुष समझ गया। और फ़िर जिस तरह सिरफिरी मैं थी, मैंने ट्रेन के आने से पहले स्टेशन के तीन चार चक्कर काट लिए। और अपने भाई को फ़ोन करके बुला लिया की आज दिल्ली में आखिरी दिन है, उसने फ़ोन नहीं उठाया। एक बार को थोड़ा बुरा तो लगा पर फ़िर मैं समझ गयी की कहीं अपने काम में ना फँसा हो।
Hey, this is Martha Louisiana and I was born on this unfortunate day. This is the very first diary of my life, usually people keep diaries to remember dates, events, note down their important works, make lists but the reason why I am making and keeping this diary is .
Yes, so it's been a long time, maybe 17 years and I've had enough of it, this cup of poison, oof, can't avoid anymore. When your mother fell sick just because of your toxic family members, what can be more worst than this? You wanna know? OK, even when she got well, they gave her a dose of taunts and traumatized her, never appreciated her for her work, always pointed out mistakes, and then the worst? When she used to fell sick and we were not able to cook breakfast on our own, those toxic members asked us to call our mother and cook breakfast for us and I remember that day very well, she was too good in partiality, my grandmother, yes, too good. They were not too bad cause I've seen people worst than them but they were not good as well, you know upto what extent it hurts a child to see their mother being insulted instead of being appreciated.
Since then, I hate everyone, either I prefer school, or my own room, I have stopped talking about my stuffs to others as well as to my dear ones, I don't want them to know that I'm going through something very bad. My mother is good and well now, as she tries to be but still I know there are myriads of pain and struggles she has gulped down her throat without letting us know and also we are able to fill our stomachs on our own.
It's hard to be happy, but we can try at least. It's not about *why only us*, it's about *okay, this will pass top*
Those who say "ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ", do you think that they don't crave for love? Or being loved by someone? If yes, then you're wrong. They are the broken hearted people who are tired now, tired for they have tried enough to overcome their pain and their urge of being loved.
Yes, I remember, I have done almost nothing in these two to three months and these days I can't even understand my own moods, somedays I like being alone, somedays I like calling my best friend and talk for hours, somedays I like these four walls where all my pieces are buried alive in between the bricks of my room, somedays no other place is as good as my terrace where I can watch the Orion without anyone to disturb me. All the radiations that my mind transmitted were absorbed by you, lately, but I have realised that it was you, who used to take care of me even when I didn't want to, I've realized that it was you who loved me even when I didn't want to love myself. You are my favourite escape. You're like the pole star, always there but so far. Your glimpses are the ones I crave for. Can't say that love you to the moon & back, that's just a little measurement for us.. We have a whole universe inside us. And now I'm homeless because you were my home, the star under which I used to sleep and then wakeup with your shine on those greeen grasses. Till then, waiting for an another birth to meet you. Oh, I miss you and your fragrance.
Hi. Now I know that you might not have expected this to come your way, given how our conversations just stopped. Be it just them fading out slowly, or something major happening to end them prematurely. But whatever happened, happened. I can’t change the way things took a turn between us. Believe me, I wish I could, but that’s just life I guess. So, as this horrendous of a year is coming to an end, I just thought I’d convey my feelings through this letter.
I hope you’re doing fine. No matter how bad of terms we ended up on, I don’t wish bad for you. If we just drifted apart, I’m sorry that I didn’t hold you. But I guess that’s just how life is. But you must know, I still am here for you. There was nothing major that pushed our bond aside. So, I harbour no bad feelings for you. I hope you’re doing great in life, and just by the way, drop me a DM for a conversation sometimes? You have no clue how much I’ve missed our silly jokes or intellectual conversations. And I hope you remember me as I remember you. As someone, I loved having around. And I still would.
If we had a fight to end things off, I’m sorry for my temper. If you knew me, you know how much I hate my temper, how much I hate my anger management issues, how much I hate overthinking some small things. And for that, I truly am sorry. Because of those fights, I’ve lost you, a friend who cared for me and for whom I cared too, before fucking things up. Now, to be honest, I do not expect you to talk to me again, and possibly rightfully so, but I really want to apologize to you for all the things I said about you. I probably didn’t even mean half the things, and it might just have been my mind playing tricks. I really do not expect you to even read this letter, but if you did, I’m just sorry for being the way I am when I’m angry. I can’t expect this from you, but I really hope you do not remember me as the person I became in the end, but as the person, I was at the best of our times. Because that’s how I’ll remember you.
And you never know, someday we might cross each other’s paths. And as the person, as I am, I’d definitely say a greeting to you, and the ball would be in your court then, just like now.
BABASAHEB Dr. BR Ambedkar was independent India's First Minister of Law and Justice. He was the Chief Architect of Indian Constitution.
Today is his 130th birth anniversary. Let's pay respect to the great leader, Feminist, a double Phd holder, jurist, economist, and politician Babasaheb.
He started Buddhism movement in India. Worked laboriously for uplifting women and Dalits.
It was his hard work and dedication that women like me get several rights and protection in form of Hindu code bill he drafted and presented. He gave us through it foll. Rights:
1. Paid maternity leave to women 2. Right to women to take divorce 3. Right to women to remarry 4. Right to women to have abortion 5. Right to women to adopt children 6. Equal pay for equal work for women 7. Equal rights on property for women
Let's fully be grateful to him. He made representation of women and Dalits possible through positive reservation.
RBI was his concept and creation (but hilariously Gandhi's face appears in Indian currency notes).
Love you Babasaheb for giving me a dignified life amidst such suffocating patriarchal system.
"Aarav, come here", Sumedha said while choosing jhumkas on a road side stall. They were strolling the streets of Nainital . Aarav seldom got holidays but due to the circumstances, he managed to squeeze a break. He walked to her and stood beside her. Gentle breeze caressed Sumedha's soft ,long hair held together with a pink scrunchie. Her dupatta floating against the gravity. She looked beautiful without an effort to look so. Aarav stared at her being busy, a smile plastered on his face. He lost himself to the cascade of her dark hair, losing track of events around him. "Aarav ! Look here! ", Sumedha nudged on his elbow. "Pleat this gajra on my hair?" She asked innocently, her sad, green eyes brimming of love. He smiled and carefully pushed the bunch of her hair to the left side of her neck, baring the nape. He gently placed the rajnigandha gajra on her hair. Her hair complemented the flowers, not the otherwise. He leaned closer to whiff her hair , ornamented by the bunch of white beauties. She turned to face him and held his hand. They started walking together. He kept her on the safer side of the walk and wrapped his hand around her shoulder, her head leaning against him. "Wait. This dress looks so beautiful. Bhaiya, will this fit a 6 year old? She's a little skinny , looks exactly like her father", Sumedha talked to the vendor, while taking a glance of Aarav's face. In the past few months, his face has lost a lot of stub , making the hollow of his cheeks look prominent. His deep eyes now reeking of sleeplessness. "Aarav, Misha loves sun dresses, haina? And it's yellow, her favourite. Shall we buy this?" She asked hopefully, her innocent eyes deluded. "Sumedha," he paused and held her face in his palms, his eyes flowing silent tears , "Misha is no more. Come to your senses, love" , he choked at his words. "But....." , she fixated her eyes on him and continued trying to look into his eyes "but, she's at home. What are you saying! Wait, she must have come back from school by now!", she rushed to dial the number of Misha's nanny. Aarav looked at the gravel sadly and shook Sumedha by her shoulders. Sobs escaped his mouth. "It's been 6 months , Sumedha. Our baby is no more. We can never see her again." , he said and pulled Sumedha into a hug. "No, no , Misha, Misha come back!", Sumedha's wails filled the bazaar with a grief that couldn't be surpassed by anything in the world. A mother's wail. She tugged at his shirt and weeped until her vision blurred.
It was the night before your flight. You were getting promoted to a higher position in your company and I was so happy for you. Your colleagues threw a party and we were returning our(my) home by your car. You were driving , light air flowing through your hair , the sleeves of your white dress shirt cuffed at the elbow while the tattoo of 'infinity' on the side of your arm glistened under the light behind the wheels. Your eyes had the same twinkle, the one when you asked me to draw an infinty symbol on a paper , the one when you removed bandage from your arm revealing it to me, the one you had everytime you looked at me, the one you had that night beside me in your car. But this time, when I looked at you, your twinkle seemed distant, it was getting real, you were going away tomorrow. It was your last night in this city, in my apartment, in your car beside me. As happy as I was to see you prosper, I just wanted for you to stay a little longer. To stay until I could fill you in my eyes and carry you in the twinkle of my eye. For so long, I was just staring at you, while you hummed and tapped on the steering wheel. You caught me staring and lifted your brows, squeezed my shoulder and put your hand on mine. You whispered, ' I didn't want to disturb you staring so beautifully but what happened? Say something?' and turned on the radio to break the silence. ''...Abhi na jao chhod kr ke dil abhi bhara nhi..''
Ig it's important to take a break. To stop moving. To stand still and observe the beauty that's placed around us. Then maybe, just maybe life won't suck this much.
We're so insignificant. Whatever we do, and whatever we are, all are gonna be forgotten. This life if it means something, I think it is to the person living it. No one else.
But we all are trained to live for others We are so afraid of shame.
We don't dance until we are good at it. We don't sing because someone said we sound like a frog. We don't cry because we don't wanna be pitied, etc.
But all this pretending, all this overthinking and worrying is not needed. No one gives a shit lol. Even the ones that talk, move on to another topic after 5 min. We're the ones who carry it till the end.
If we could say whatever comes to our mind and do whatever makes us happy, without affecting others, life would be good.
Anyways other people don’t perceive you the same way you perceive yourself. So it makes no sense to try to change for others.