angeldisco

Fell free to read and comment. I've been writing poetry in various forms since I was 12. I am also a prose author.

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  • angeldisco 48w

    Finding Meaning

    Finding Meaning

    Elizabeth's Story

    Elizabeth
    Who called you barren?
    I did
    They did
    We all did

    When I got married
    I knew I had hit the jackpot
    A handsome, rich man of standing
    Zechariah the priest
    The world was my oyster
    Only good things would happen to me
    I was young and naive
    He was kind and sweet
    The best of men
    Making me the luckiest woman alive
    Those early years of conflict and bliss
    Joy in every kiss
    Learning to thrive
    Falling in love
    Coming together as a team
    Felt as good as it could get

    10 years went by
    And sorrow was added to the dream
    Every woman I knew who married when I did had kids by now
    Here I stood alone
    Having everything in the world but the one thing I longed for
    A child

    Zechariah and I clung to the Lord
    With each monthly disappointment
    Sometimes a little less frequent but more agonizing
    I would feel my body change
    A few months would go by
    Only to end in a flood of tears and loss
    Every sound of a baby crying tore through my gut
    Each time a child laughed inside I wept

    And the questions became more intense
    When are you and Zechariah going to have children?
    Maybe you should see the doctor
    Have you done something to anger God?
    Did you disrespect your husband?
    Remember David and Michal
    Keep respectful
    It could yet happen

    I watched in pain as Zechariah was blocked from the Sanhedrin
    And others questioned him
    He was not fulfilling his duty to be fruitful and multiply
    And in their eyes he was disqualified

    And me?
    I was raised to believe
    That motherhood was meant to be my identity
    Wasn't that the definition of a woman?
    The foundation of my social standing?
    I felt like a second-class citizen

    We went through treatment after treatment
    And it felt God stood by silent
    As I felt the stares and the judgments
    Old friends withdrew
    Helpless in face of our torment
    Or frustrated at our lack of repentance from some unnamed sin
    We were so desperate we even called the exorcists
    Anything to fix this
    But nothing worked

    Zechariah and I remained faithful
    Prayed nightly
    I copied scriptures all over our home
    Clung to them tightly
    Stories of Sarah and Hannah
    The beautiful passage in Isaiah
    "Sing O barren woman
    Burst into song
    For more are the children of the desolate woman
    Than of her who has a husband"
    I pondered, I meditated
    Faith blurred into desperation
    Zechariah joined me and encouraged me
    Our love for God and each other
    Became our everything

    Eventually hope became excruciating

    Decades passed
    One day awakened by hot flashes
    Grief revived afresh
    Searing pain through my heart
    The death of a dream
    This was it
    The end of our journey

    Our tears had dried
    Replaced by overwhelming numbness
    We let go
    Pouring our energy into efforts
    To bless all we saw in pain
    Animal or human it made no difference
    We embraced the life we had
    Even though it wasn't what we wanted

    And then ...
    Zechariah was chosen
    It was his turn
    We had felt the stirring of excitement
    This once in a lifetime event
    My husband would meet with God
    At the risk of his life
    And all I could do is wait and pray
    Anxiety fused with anticipation
    All I knew for sure was that my life would soon change
    But I had no idea what was coming

    Butterflies stirred wildly inside
    Waiting became unbearable
    I wanted to fast forward time
    My level of panic approached unmanageable
    This was taking too long
    What in the world was going on?

    When he emerged I breathed a sigh of relief
    But then - he couldn't speak!
    The other priests stirred
    He burst through the crowd
    Gesticulating wildly
    But I knew he wanted me

    I approached, unable to see what he held in his hand
    When he showed me, I gasped
    God said it is now time to be pregnant?
    Now?
    Now that the energy of youth had passed
    And my heart had let go of my dream
    And it suddenly made sense
    That all I had been through was for this
    I wasn't cursed
    There wasn't something wrong with me
    I was taking my place among the chosen
    Ready to protect this gift at any cost, I went into seclusion

    It was too much for anyone to comprehend
    God's choice of me
    So when my cousin Mary arrived
    Another piece fell into place
    She was young and I was old
    I had faced disgrace, the kind she was soon to know
    I had wisdom to impart, love to give
    I carried the Voice that would cry in the wilderness
    And had the privilege to witness
    The arrival of God in the Flesh

    My pain not wasted
    My disgrace turned into glory
    I knelt I'm gratitude
    And thanked God for choosing me.

    Perhaps in this Christmas season
    You have faced pain, disgrace, suffering
    I pray that in the right time,
    God will also show you the meaning
    What you've been through is a badge of honour
    Birthing through you a Voice
    That prepares others
    To experience the Presence of the One
    Who resurrected my womb
    Took away my disgrace
    And will resurrect you too, removing all shame
    ©angeldisco

    https://youtu.be/1rE4JaSxmJo

  • angeldisco 152w

    Perfect Shock

    Forced smiles
    Weary faces
    The mundane drone of predictable life
    A gray concrete maze
    Covered in smoky haze
    Rounding the bend will bring
    Peace or strife?
    Neon lights
    Familiar sights
    The stimuli of momentary escape.
    Memories
    The shaded photographs of now.
    Bravely moving forward
    Flipping through each image nonchalantly
    His dedicated heart skips a beat
    Overpowered by the image's radiance
    True light
    Living colour
    Astonished.
    So familiar, perhaps
    But beyond imagination
    In an earth-shattering way.
    Surprised by his maker
    He sheds a translucent tear
    And finds his escape

    ©angeldisco @StephanieIsom

  • angeldisco 152w

    Safe in the Storm

    Gentle sensitivity
    Caring masculinity
    A sincere heart, purely motivated
    Feeling vulnerable and afraid
    Having been the unprotected protector
    Yet I pray one day he will discover
    That he stands in a grand fortress
    Of towering castle walls
    The storm may rage around him
    Stripping away bark
    Uprooting strong trees
    Blocking the sun
    But he is held in
    A firm embrace,
    Safe in strong arms
    A child at rest.

    ©angeldisco @StephanieIsom

  • angeldisco 152w

    Integrity - Joseph's Story

    Christmas 2018

    https://youtu.be/tl2jJ73MyHk

    Last year
    At the time of Christmas cheer
    I shared the story of Mary
    This time, I want to explore from another side
    What was it like to be the Father of the Messiah?
    This is the story of Joseph
    What would it be like in His words
    Spoken in verse
    I call it Integrity

    My beautiful Mary
    So innocent and dreamy
    With her bright-eyed charm
    Playful, fun, devout
    There was no question
    No other to be chosen
    When asked, her father had no doubts
    Her mother no reservation
    And although I had grown up in a world where love was not in the marriage equation
    I loved her
    Her heart for God, her mind, her wit
    Her powers of persuasion
    I couldn't get enough of it
    And I hoped one day she could love me back
    Oh Mary and I
    We were engaged
    I thought I could fly
    Amazed and expectant
    And then she got pregnant
    The sense of betrayal and shock is beyond what I can process
    My mind is stuck in an emotional funk
    All I can think is:

    *Oh that Mary's not my lover
    She's just a girl who claims that God is the One
    And the kid is not my son*

    There's obviously only one thing to be done
    The whole situation is offensive,
    I'm on the defensive
    I've been known as righteous
    But I will be perceived as
    A first rate jerk
    A hypocrite, lacking judgment
    No self-control, no self restraint unable to even wait
    I was of the line of Kings
    Everyone will wonder how I could do such a thing?!
    How could she do this?
    Compromise her purity and not own up to it?
    And people, how dare they assume anything
    If they think this was me they don't know a thing

    *People always said be careful what you do
    Don't go breaking young girl's hearts
    Momma always said be careful who you love
    And be careful what you do*

    Well this time it's me who's got a broken heart
    By the law she should die
    She's betrayed her pledge to me
    I don't owe her a thing
    I could cause her suffering
    Matching the degree of my own pain
    It's the word of God
    It's the law

    But it's also Mary
    I still love her
    I want to protect her
    So I had a plan
    To maintain my honour as a man
    But not at her expense
    To be a line of defense
    For both our reputations
    But it hurts
    This deep disappointment
    And it's stress-filled
    This bitter pill
    And the emotion loop I'm in
    Makes me obsess again

    *Oh that Mary's not my lover
    She's just a girl who claims that God is the One
    And the kid is not my son*

    There's only one thing to be done
    So it's over
    I'll divorce her
    If the betrothal is dissolved
    Maybe this internal conflict can be resolved
    How could what she claims be true
    It's irrational, illogical, not possible
    It's got me tied up in knots, and so so blue
    Her words feels like fantasy
    And it's making me want to escape reality too

    Stunned, shattered, exhausted
    I passed out and in a dream my subconscious mind wandered
    To the worst case scenario
    Mary at the synagogue's threshhold
    And they're ready to stone her
    Absolution of the community
    Through honour killing
    But I felt horror and grief
    I didn't want this
    Lovely Mary at my mercy

    And that's when the angel appeared to me
    A light washed over the scene
    As a brisk brease stirred
    A sense of peace washed over me
    The pure love I always associated with worship
    And there He stood

    “Joseph, you descendent of David, the King
    Do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife,
    Loving her for life
    She's telling the truth
    The Baby she carries
    Is not the product of immorality
    Divinely conceived
    The result of Holy Spirit's overshadowing
    She will give birth to a son,
    The Chosen One
    You are to give him the name Jesus,
    Yeshua, Jehovah Saves
    because he will save his people from their sins.”

    I awoke with a start
    And a pounding heart
    Such a mixture of regret and relief
    Faith and disbelief
    At what I had almost done
    My heart renewed
    It surged with love

    *Oh dear Mary you're the Mother
    You're the girl that knows that God is the One
    The kid is His only son*

    There's only one thing to be done
    I'll obey
    Mary, I'll take you as my wife
    Protect you and the child with my life
    Raise him as my own
    With the same love God has shown

    The wedding was a small hushed affair
    Hardly anyone there
    My declaration of paternity
    Had me branded indefinitely

    I had lived to be known as righteous
    But my heart has changed
    To be content with God's perspective
    My fears of disgrace realized
    Replaced by the honour of becoming God's choice
    A surrogate father to His son
    Oh the burden and joy of His Trust
    To embrace fatherhood
    To model manhood for everyone
    A challenge, a promise, an opportunity for His good work in me to be done
    And after His birth

    *I took Mary as my lover
    That faithful girl that knows our God as the One
    The Father of Our Son.*

    So much love inside me
    So much joy in my being
    I lost everything important to me
    To gain Christ
    And He added a wife, a family

    And in this experience I have learned
    It's easy to care about other's perception
    Or rely on what we see and think we know
    But God in His higher perspective
    Cares more about who we become
    So He shifts the laws of reality
    Causing our preconceived notions to be undone
    Pulling us into the mind-bending journey
    Of exchanging what we think we need to be happy
    For the joy of His life, the way He created it to be
    Replacing reputation with integrity
    And like Mary, I have no regrets
    I encourage all to learn from my experience
    Surrender to Him everything you value,
    All you hold on to
    Allow Him to bless you in return with His best
    The priceless experiences He has designed just for you

    https://youtu.be/tl2jJ73MyHk

    ©angeldisco ©isometrikz © StephanieIsom

  • angeldisco 153w

    Pregnant with Promise

    Pregnant with Promise - a Christmas Poem 2017

    I had always been told one day one woman would be chosen
    Her
    The epitome of goodness
    Somehow deemed worthy
    To bear the Christ
    I never in my life
    imagined it could be me

    Just a young girl - Ordinary,
    poor
    I never had the air of royalty
    Experienced a priveleged life
    Gold, palaces, expensive clothes?
    Never meant to be a fashinista
    Sure my cousins were priests uh ...
    but ... Me?
    I was nobody, not special

    An introverted dreamer
    too prone
    to wandering off alone
    To wonder, to ponder, to think
    Sometimes so distracted I forgot to eat and drink
    "She's a real space case"
    That's what they said
    Their words echoed in my head

    Too romantic
    Come back to reality
    The world is too harsh for all your fantasy.
    Sensitivy.
    No I was not her

    And this was not the age of Messiahs and Miracles
    This was the time of the Romans
    No omen
    or sign could dislodge them
    The world was dark
    Like the night sky over Nazareth
    And I was small, insignificant
    Not really meant
    To change the World
    No.
    I was not her.

    I could not see courage in myself
    Little more than the desire to help
    Adventure?
    Indentured
    more likely
    Not the heroine of any story.

    Nevertheless ...
    He chose me.

    It's not something I understand
    How could anybody?
    Angels.
    Overshadowing.
    Holy Spirit?
    Son of God?

    All I had was my humanity
    And an empty space - my heart, my womb
    Silent and vacant as a tomb
    Untouched, untouchable, preserved, reserved
    The invitation was given
    The word spoken
    I knew the Cost, the risk
    Like I also knew I was born for this
    That "no" was not a word to be said
    To the Living God

    He chose me

    I had no illusions
    ‎It would not be an easy road
    ‎The weight , ‎the load
    ‎of people's prejudice
    While ‎God called me righteous
    ‎I would be made scandalous
    ‎Giving up all earthly reputation
    ‎Enduring endless accusation
    ‎For heavenly honour
    ‎A wonderful idea, sure
    ‎For the distant future

    For now?
    They would see a young woman
    Without virtue
    Abandoned, worthy of death
    At the mercy of her betrothed
    A liar, concocting an unlikely story
    Claiming Glory
    To hide her shame
    Protesting innocence
    Placing blame
    On God
    The only One who Truly Knew

    That I chose disgrace
    To say yes to You

    To be the first to carry
    Eternal life inside me
    Infinity in finite me
    To nurture God's Son

    Invited to the process
    To love but not possess
    To prepare One
    Who would lay aside all reputation
    And give His all
    In death and resurection
    For you and me,
    All who would believe and receive
    His life into ourselves

    Beyond salvation
    He has issued an invitation
    He has asked permission to indwell
    In us, in you
    Letting Him fill
    Every broken space,
    every empty place
    Carrying his life inside
    To abide
    To experience His life
    To carry, to share His all
    In a way that will show
    Everywhere you go

    His life is free
    But there is a Cost - the Cross
    Placing Your All in God's hands
    Is something people don't really understand
    But coming from me -
    I said Yes to Him
    I have no regrets

    For You?
    He chose you too
    Please, don't hesitate to also say yes.

    https://youtu.be/JeiUbTXANpQ

    ©angeldisco ©isomwtrikz ©StephanieIsom

  • angeldisco 158w

    God's Ocean

    (1992)
    I've got this song in my heart
    About the sweet love of Jesus
    About when he takes you in His
    Strong loving arms
    And holds you.
    When he brushes your cheek
    With His loving hand
    And whispers words of sweet comfort
    To your lonely hurting soul

    It's like
    The wind blowing through autumn leaves
    And flowers swaying in a gentle breeze
    It's like
    The calming of a hurricane
    Or when the sky clears
    After torrents of rain
    And then you know
    He will never let you go
    But will alwas send
    Floods of peace
    To wash over
    Your soul.

    ©angeldisco ©StephanieIsom

  • angeldisco 159w

    Bride

    In life's raging storm she stands
    Paralyzed, confused
    Yet held up by a strong, gentle hand
    Mesmerized, strangely calmed
    Fool's gold on one hand
    Diamond paradise on the other
    Unsure as to which is real
    For both are alluring.
    She dances an awkward dance
    Towards garish gold gleaming
    She takes two steps
    Only to be wounded by its
    Silicon-chipped spires
    Falling on her knees, crawling,
    She moves toward diamond palace
    With difficulty
    After a painful tug-of-war
    In sun-warmed diamond room she stands
    Her lover, her friend
    Heals her wounds
    Pulls her up
    Glancing lovingly
    At the one who loves Him
    For she too has been dressed in pure
    Sparkling, jewelled beauty.

    ©angeldisco ©StephanieIsom

  • angeldisco 159w

    Fomo

    Tired, heavy
    Yep, crammed in a box
    I'm trying to stretch
    Will you move for me?
    I smile at you
    While I'm crying inside
    I'm yawning too
    I'm really dying inside
    Life moves me
    While I stand still
    I'm filled with holy desire
    Yet I must be immobile
    I hope the running river
    Of sublime life
    Will not pass me by
    Fill me once again
    That IS my deepest cry
    Exhaustion and gloom
    Will soon come to an end
    The rainbow colours
    Filling my vision
    The touch of Your hand
    My assurance.

    ©angeldisco ©StephanieIsom

  • angeldisco 159w

    Prodigal

    Watching you walk away
    Helpless, fearful
    Paralyzed as the certainty of disaster floods my soul
    My heart is full of foreboding
    It yearns to hold you uback
    Until you are free and whole
    These harsh words on my lips
    Serve as a loving warning
    But I know they sting you even so
    Sadly, I walk away with the legacy of my words
    Leaving a glistening puddle on the floor
    And I know
    Your choice could make you
    Your choice could break you
    But I never want to say "I told you so."
    I never want to plunge that knife into your soul
    So I will trust in His timing
    My arms longing to embrace you
    My eyes weary from watching
    Earnestly, yet, I will wait.

    ©angeldisco ©StephanieIsom

  • angeldisco 160w

    The Breeze

    Flowers of a different colour
    Always seem to blend together
    When your heart is numb.
    But when the wind blows
    And your heart sways
    The haze is blown away
    The colours become vibrant and bright
    For it is the end of night
    And morning has come.
    L:ove blows softly through your hair
    Like a gentle breeze
    Touching every part of you,
    Fire annihilating despair.
    All is hope, can you fear?
    No for you have been made perfect in love
    And roses are all you see.

    ©angeldisco ©StephanieIsom