akshitathakur

This is the whole new world where you feel what people think!

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  • akshitathakur 2d

    Pandemic

    Pandemic has done a lot, this whole year has been a new experience for all of us. We never knew what could come for us, and never cared about what needed our attention.
    But what makes this year worse that i can't be social at all, i see crowd, i feel irritated. When i see a lot of people, i try to hide myself. I want to escape the reality which used to be a normal thing for me back then. It has changed something in me. I question myself more than i used to. I feel like i am being watched by everyone which of course isn't true.
    What is this?
    A person who loves crowd doesn't want to face it. The fear of facing people, their gaze, their way of seeing, i am noticing every bit of it. I want to go out and have fun which is natural for me to feel this way but when i actually do that, i feel like going home, staying in my room, eating food with family and saying goodnight to my mom everyday. There is this fear of losing my family which brings tears to my eyes whenever i think of it. I have never been this emotional to anyone and ever.
    At the begining of pandemic, i felt that i had been locked up in a jail and wanted to free myself. Now i am getting that opportunity but everything is falling apart. When i m home i wanna go out, when i am out, i wanna go home. What is this feeling? I feel caged at home, and caged in freedom too. May be that's why people who have no rights don't question anyone because it has become their life, they are liking it. If they go against it, they themselves will not like the freedom.
    Lockdown has brought emotions to us, we have started feeling. We rest and give out little mind pressure to think about our family who has been standing out there everytime we feel alone, and broke. We have seen the love which we have never noticed before this.
    But what is troubling me is people, i don't know how to deal with them, my confidence has found a place where it can hide itself for life. I hope things will get better in time for our good.
    Note: crowd is not normal anymore, will take time to be.
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 3d

    When you keep everyone's perspective of something in your mind, this is what happens to you.

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    Conclusion

    I can't have a single conclusion of something because i keep on changing my position to look deep into.
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 3d

    Stories

    Some stories have a secret life, you never know when they get started and when they get to an end.
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 3d

    So just don't think that somebody is perfect and never does anything wrong, everyone is a mess, accept it, it's a good solution for your guilt, try me

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    Advisor

    Even an advisor is advised sometimes.
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 3d

    Myth

    Sometimes right, wrong seem myth to me.
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 3d

    I am gonna contradict myself again, first we don't know what mistakes are for people, we have characterised mistakes and if somebody does any of it, it becomes sin. Mistakes are called mistakes because our ancestors had judged and pondered upon every action they did and asked their new generation not to repeat it if they wanted a peaceful life because they knew what could lead to a troublesome life. So, many of our actions ( mistakes) are justified in the name of enjoyment which of course is fair if one knows what their mistakes will do to them in future. So what is right and wrong for us? Which mistakes should not happen ? This wholly depends on every individual. They do whatever they feel like because at the end they know, what will be the consequences of their actions. Let's support what feels right and guide what seems wrong, it will be their choice to chose one of them, but at the end, we all know, they definitely gonna chose which satisfy their rage and that will be " its okay, you didn't do anything bad".
    Note: I am so so messed up in my head, never get a single conclusion, everyday's story, never mind, bye.

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    Mistakes

    If we keep appreciating others mistakes by saying, it okay, you didn't do anything, then they will do the same mistake without any guilt and one day that will become a habit.
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 4d

    Let's see

    It's about who stands by you till the end, not about who cared and loved you once upon a time.
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 5d

    Sacrifice

    In order to survive a battle of life, we must sacrifice some of our dreams
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 5d

    Infact we want it to improve in order to survive

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    Support

    When we criticize one party that doesn't mean we support the other one.
    ©akshitathakur

  • akshitathakur 5d

    Sometimes it's like, you want to change your personality as if you want to live someone else's life because from your side, it seems less cheotic. We want to become a person which we can't. We want to become an introvert who just listens and doesn't care about anybody. An introvert doesn't need anybody for his good or bad time, he just needs himself and that self time which heals him. We want that, we want to stop waiting for people to come to us and ask us about how our life is going. We don't want to wait or search for good people in our life. We felt the need of people in life but we had none which made us feel that we had never earned anyone in real. Were we that bad? Or were they so bad that they never changed themselves for us? We have some people, to be honest, who care, but we have started fearing that we might lose them. We try to protect every relation which is closed to us because we have been back stabbed by many in these days. Everyone is showing their true colours, some jealous, some look down upon us. At this point in time, everyone is turning their faces and we are trying our level best to keep them in life. We feel so helpless without people, we wait, sometimes control ourselves for not being in their life forcefully. We want to be a person who lives alone and doesn't give any shit about anyone. We have been keeping thousands of secrets in our hearts about people, about how they talk behind our back, still we prefer not to react, because we don't want to hurt them. However nobody, nobody ever think about our emotions, that's how much we have felt about all of this. That's why we want to keep our mouths shut and let our diary speak because that's the only thing left which we can do for ourselves. We hope they never get hurt the way they hurt us. And perhaps some of them will be happy seeing us sad but we are gonna come back soon with our energy. Just few more days.

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    ...

    A deep wound takes time to heal.
    ©akshitathakur