I was too lost in the unknown feeling of her hand brushing mine while walking that I didn't listen her saying something, "Hey! Are you even listening to me? " "Um... mm... Yeah-h. " She squinted her beautiful brown eyes as if checking my unsure expression. "What are you thinking about badboy? " , she asked. Why does that nickname sounds so good coming from her lips? "Something.", I shrugged. "What thing? " "About you liking me. ", I smirked. Her eyes went wide for a split second. But she was too good at hiding her expressions. If it wasn't me, no one could ever know that she is nervous right now. " Yeah you wish. " She said faking a laugh. Even that sounds beautiful to me. Stop obsessing boy. "Ofcourse I do. And do you think I can't see how a person inside you is a nervous wreck right now? " Still smirking. "Oh, shutup . " She rolled her eyes.
"Hey muffin? " Yeah I call her that. "Yeah? " See, she doesn't mind. "Do you really don't like me? " "W-what? " Now she is doing something she never does, stutter. She is one of those girls who doesn't show what is going on inside her. And when she does it means she is getting uncomfortable. And I don't want her to feel like this around me. NEVER. "Nothing. Forget I said something. " We sat on a a bench beside the entrance of a small park. We were silently listening to the children playing in the park before she started, "It's too boring to listen and I don't like talking about this but you deserve to know.
Everyone have their bad days and I am not complaining if I am given some too. But nowadays I feel like no one really care. About me. About the things I am going through. I know you feel like I am expecting too much. Yes I am, because I was there. For them. For the problems they didn't want to talk aloud. For the tears they were hiding. I know I sound selfish. Maybe I am. But the shit happening with my family is too much for me. Ofcourse I am not the only one going through such problems but right now, I need people just like people needed me and I WAS THERE. I don't expect them to be sad with me. I never expect them to be ALWAYS there for me, but just letting me know that they get what I am going through isn't a big expectation, is it? " She stopped for a second taking a deep breath and finally said, "And about liking you. Yes, I fuckin' like you. The way you read me like an open book, the way your eyes always make an contact only with me in the crowd, the way you always care but never show. Now you might be thinking that if I have you and know you care why do I worry about people not caring? That is because I feel like I wasted my precious days caring about people who don't even realize about my lost appetite. You were the reason I started eating properly. You told your mother to cook good food for me. It was always you. And I don't deserve you. My life is a mess, it doesn't deserve your beautiful one. You are too good for me. "
And I was listening, each and every word. And for the very first time I found her vulnerable. The nervousness and sadness was too clear in the words she spoke. I know her from last 3 years and I have never seen her like this. Her parents were getting separated but she was never this helpless, she is a strong girl. But seeing her glassy eyes right now, make me want to beat the shit out of people who made her feel like this. Assholes.
I hugged her tightly. Never wanting to leave. And found her body shivering. She was hesitant to hug back but gave up finally. "I don't know about you deserving me or not but I definitely deserve you and I am keeping you. We will have the best lovestory ever. And people will die to write a book on our life. " I said jokingly. "I am a sad story and you can't change my ending. " She whispered. "How about changing the whole story? " I heard her sighing. And smiling.
It's my wedding day, finally. And my cosmetologist is continuously applying what not on my face. It's almost done when my sister appears on my door and stares at me for whole 5 minutes before striking a beautiful smile. And then I see! A drop of tear falling from her left eye. I can see the genuine happiness and also the part of her trying not to cry her eyes out.
It has always been her. My best friend, inspiration, only person I will ever talk to when I cry, stress reliever. I don't think anyone can ever replace her, not in this life at least.
When I was in 9th grade, I was bullied. Because of how fat and nerdy I actually was. Everyday I used to tell myself, "You ain't that fat, yes you are a nerd but a cute and beautiful nerd." But the bullies just made me harder to focus on other things. My sister was observing me everyday, I knew it but I wanted to solve this on my own. But it was getting out of control, so I told her everything. Inspecting my face she asked, "You do remind yourself that you are beautiful, don't you? " "Yes, I do. But it doesn't work." "It will not. Because deep inside, your mind knows or believe that you are ugly, you are fat. Life is not a novel that you read everyday, it's the newspaper you don't." She giggled slightly and I pouted. She continued, "People who look good and know, tend to accept quickly that they are ugly. Not everyone, but most of the people do. That is how it is. A human's mind is full of shit. You can't really expect it to work according to you. If you feel that you are ugly or fat, just accept it. It doesn't really matter to good people, the only thing matters is how better you treat them. I know this doesn't sound very inspiring but this works."
And that was the last day I told myself that I'm beautiful. That it's okay to know that you're ugly. I stopped responding to the bullies and they mostly got bored.
I hugged her tightly remembering the memories. I know she will be always there for me when I feel alone but it hurts to not stay with her in the same roof anymore.