I touched 30 2 years ago this day. Age-shaming much? No way!! it's the media and ads that live in a fearful world, so they scare others too. But the questions deserving perfect eye-rolls and facepalms always stand in a hungry queue "Oh! You are 30 something? you look so young." Someone please tell them. "Darling, 30 is young" "Why you aren't getting married?" Why, because ring in my fingers and a toddler on my waist is the only way to complete me? Sorry to have a bubble bursted but I'm not society's Life planning math workbook or biological ticking bomb that defines my worth by following some bully timelines. I wore a cape of womanhood after so many frostbitten scuffles and relentless struggles that now it graces my flesh and bones. that's quite enough to be the last piece of my life's puzzle.
Journey of a timid 6-year-old trying to identify her father in a star, he said he would look it down from there, to becoming a woman who saw her mother churning herself and tending to her lost kid with 3 shifts under her wing; All this unchained a treasure I don't ever want to part with.
My twenties were a wastral in terms of people I invested in. I let my innocence and ignorance turn alarming snoozes into blazing red flags of friendship that assassinated my self-confidence. But, now I know leaving toxicity while it swirl in a whirlpool of blame games, is not just okay but a sign of strength; of not justifying self for the smallest things.
I am finally In a better place mentally, psychologically, financially yet they want to find a manicured other-half to see me 'settled'. They say the world is changing I'd say it always changes but on the surface because they don't dare dip themselves amidst broken layers of depth, so ignorantly, add some 'must(s)' in a women's life.
I know It's the smallest feat but if you ask me I am proud I got to know myself. I know what I am now I know what I want My passion dances on my eyeballs with a clear vision. I don't feel like that rusty old book at the corner of the shelf no one picks up to read, anymore. I am that freshness of a newly opened pickle jar that instantly fills the surrounding with its aroma. I'm now the potpourri of self- reliance I learned over the past years and the kindness I had been carrying since the childhood. I'm those 32 no stones left unturned whose efforts made people get inspired. Believe me, there is no expiration date to learn something new
I have accepted the fact It's not easy finding metaphors for self while I blacken the white pages with their praises, accomplishments, triumphs. But from now onwards I'd audaciously write about my self because no one writes about the writers and I'm here to break the wheel.
At last, if you want to sway with yourself listen to "It's hard to be a woman" From Something in the Rain I am just attracted to that song.
When you practice gratitude it makes you look at things in a better way. Leaves will rumble when the wind is gusty, wilted ones too. And who says that a dead leaf isn't beautiful. Grey is always associated with Gloomy mood, I have great reverence for people who have decoded what grey is. I have great reverence for people who are resilient. Not everyone can tolerate and not break, but you don't have to tolerate when you have a mouth to speak, you should. Anger, sadness won't subside if you won't treat it. Silence could be an antidote but the hurt won't fade if you won't talk about it. When the grey clouds gather up in the sky they protect you from heat, sometimes the drops are forgiveness for your sins, sometimes the drops sting like nudges from Scissorhands. Many of us are not what we tell others, we picturise how we want to be perceived by others. Many of us don't talk about how we were bad to others but won't stop for a minute if someone does the same. When you get happier, you forget these things. It's so liberating to forget things, to forget how people looked, how they sounded, how they had lit up your day once and how they ended up ruining you.
As I have already said, a poet is a poet only when he is writing a poem. I will be a human again as I go back to have lunch and forget about what I had written.