_flow_of_words_

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I write for myself.. |IITian|INFJ-T|

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  • _flow_of_words_ 3d

    Let them go!

    You know you are going to lose them, but all you do is be there beside them whenever they need you. Because you know that they matter to you, but you forgot that they might hurt you badly in the future. What if they don't choose to stay in your life and fly away from you? That will indeed rip your heart out, but this time you won't do anything except blame yourself for the crime you never did. You will blame yourself for being beside someone who matters to you, but is blaming yourself fair enough? Maybe not, but the heart beating inside you will force you to blame yourself; because that heart is the one who will be bleeding, not you, but don't forget to remind yourself that this isn't your fault. And this isn't the fault of your heart for loving someone unconditionally. Not getting love in return hurts, but what kind of love it is which doesn't hurt? Does that kind of love even exist in this world? Love is something that comes with pain and sacrifices, and thus, we can't blame anyone. Let some people go away if they want to because we can't force someone to stay. Let that heart bleed, but don't let that heart force you to blame yourself, because the happiness you experience while in love surely doesn't come for free. So, don't blame that love because at least you loved someone with all of your heart; at least you met someone who can fill your heart with love. What do you want more than this? Maybe someone out there doesn't even get to experience this, but you got! So, be happy in loving them! If they are going away from you, let them go because seeing them happy will give a strange satisfaction, which no one can give you.

    So, let them go! Let them fly! And don't hate them for not staying!

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 15 October 2021 @20:57 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 2w

    Tired?

    Have you ever fought with someone you are close to? I had, and I had done that many times, but at one point, I had always felt like giving up on the relationship I was trying to save. What's the use of saving that relationship if the other person isn't trying to understand your point? So, I always tell myself to take a deep breath and let that person think whatever they want because maybe I am tired—tired of fighting for something that's not mine in the first place. Tired of fighting for not letting the other person hurt me, and at the least, tired of sacrificing my self-respect for someone who doesn't deserve the sacrifice I am making for them. Because they don't even know that I am bleeding while saving the relationship, which is important to me, and me only, but not them! Maybe this is the time to take a deep breath so that my mind is free from the clutches of thoughts that doesn't matter to the other person. This is the time to tell myself that if they want, they are free to come back into my life, but this time, I won't fight for us because I am tired; I am tired of being us...

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 3 October 2021 @16:11 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 2w

    A nanosecond of happiness

    The day has come when everything has started fading. I prefer silence over the excitement of telling you some things that had happened in my life. Maybe the silence, too, will fade away one day, and I will start getting accustomed to the randomisation of my thoughts when it comes to you. One day I will hate you, and the other day I won't hate you, but I will surely avoid you because maybe witnessing your reaction is something like a terror for me. And for God sake, I had wished you to appreciate the nanosecond of happiness I felt while telling you what I experienced, but the bubble was burst away by the way you reacted. 

    So, as of now, silence it is over the excitement of telling you something! Maybe the nanosecond of happiness started mattering more than the expectations of you being happy for me.

    So, silence it is before the bubble of happiness fades away one day!

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 30 September 2021 @20:52 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 3w

    You flew away from me..!

    I was working as if it was just another day, but today, when I called my kitty cat happily, I felt my eyes getting wet and realized that I was hurt after you told me that you had moved on. How can I run away from reality when the reality is right in front of me? Yes, you are free to move on, but I was still stuck somewhere in the past, holding myself from moving on because it hurts to let you go away from me, but I have to, even if it rips my heart out. And there you are! Flying away from me, and now, I know it's the end because this time, you won't come back to me when the night falls. And the silence of the night will start creeping me, leaving behind the void who knows that I had lost myself while finding someone who will stay!

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 24 Sept, 2021 @14:25 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 5w

    Wait...

    As I was sitting near the door in the darkness, waiting for you to come back to me, I realized how afraid I am of the dark, which isn't so scary when you are around me. But today, I am hoping for you to be at our home, maybe just to let me see you as long as I want to and to stay forever with me, but perhaps you like going away from me because whenever you go away, you are late to be back at home. And the darkness seems never-ending, letting me hear the silence of my own words when you are not around me.

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 11 Sep, 2021 @20:13 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 7w

    Can hatred be fake???

    .
    .
    .
    Why does your every emotion feels fake these days?

    Love turns out to be fake, but can hate be fake too?

    If hatred is real, then why can't I hate you with all my heart?

    Why am I willing to do everything for you if some part of me is trying to hate the worst part of you?

    Does not able to hate some parts of you count in being fake?

    Maybe what you did for me is too much for letting me ignore how the things got worsened. Maybe you were too good for someone like me, but was I too bad for you?

    Was it too hard for you to accept the worst part of me?

    Why can't I hate you the way you hate me?

    Am I too good for you? Or are you too good for yourself that you can't even see the wrong deeds you did? Or was I too bad for you?

    Why can't I just accept the fact that you just don't like the worst part of me and move on with my life just the way you did?

    In all these bundles of questions, the main question still remains unanswered; why can't I hate you with all my heart just the way you started hating me after knowing the worst parts of me? Or you just don't like me for who I am? 

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 27 August 2021 @00:19 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 8w

    Stay...

    Whenever I look at you, I realize how blessed I am. Maybe just getting a glimpse of you is enough for me to survive the day. When you weren't in my life, it felt as if I had been hiding the real me from the world, but when it comes to you, I know that I can love you as much as I wish without feeling afraid of getting lost; because this time I have someone who will stay, and I know you will stay by my side till the end. Even if you go away from me, I know that you will come back to me when the night falls. That's the only thing I had always wished for - someone to stay! 

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 23 August 2021 @00:30 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 10w

    Reality

    Wandering in the palace of thoughts, there's always one string that pulls me towards reality and question myself how my existence is. Running away has become a thing that I love the most, but at the same time, I feel like I am cheating myself. But no matter how hard the reality is, the thought is enough to let me dwell on the things I have been ignoring for a long time.

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 14 July 2021 @19:24 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 10w

    The Invisible Currents

    I saw one of your pics today, and whenever I do, I feel as if something is keeping us close, even if we aren't. Do you feel the same? I wish you did because I wouldn't have to imagine telling you everything. Or should I say I wouldn't have to write this in the first place? I know you aren't going to read this, but whenever you do, I want you to know that there's this thing that keeps bringing me back to you, but I try a little harder to be far away from you every time I see something related to you, but what about that thing which wants me to be around you? Maybe I will let it die in silence and observe you and the smile you keep spreading just because you are more happy with me not around you. Whatever the reason for your happiness, I am pretty sure it's not me, so let's go where I am wanted? A place where I am "me" and accepted the way I am. But the most saddening reality is that I need to be away from you, even after knowing that that thing is pulling me towards you, and it feels like I am going against the currents. I hope I won't stumble along this journey while travelling against the invisible currents because if I ever did, I will wish you to be around me, and that wish will never come true and remain a "wish" for the rest of my life.

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe
    Dt. 6 August 2021 @1:17 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_

  • _flow_of_words_ 14w

    Let it be unsaid..

    This time I wanted my secrets to be safe with me forever, but when I realize that someone needs to know, it makes me shake with the fear of being vulnerable again. I try hard to shield myself from all the emotions that are being shot at me, but I manage to block them all and stand bravely, letting the other person assume what they want to, even if it means that they start hating me at the end, but I can't risk my secrets anymore because the moment they know what I am planning, I am pretty sure I will be laughed at by saying that those things don't matter right now. There are so many years to come, but those things matter to me now. So I let myself die with the regret that I won't be able to tell the person I love the most that whatever I am doing is for them. Even if they are angry about my frustration, I just want them to know that I love them even if my anger explodes in the process because I can change by my experiences, but I will never change how I treat my people. I even know that there is no use in explaining to them because they will believe what they want to believe. Thus, I prefer to stay silent because I am afraid of my secrets going away from me and what if those secrets will never be mine again? 

    _ Utkarsha Kalambe 
    Dt. 11 July 2021 @15:15 hrs IST
    ©_flow_of_words_