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  • 11amthoughts 8w

    Reflection

    Staring at herself through the tainted hospital glass window
    Plump, curvy body clad in patterned summer dress.
    Eyes blank, nose carrying the small weight of her sheer glasses

    and mind swirling in reflections
    like the dry sandstorm in the sunny desert.
    Her once robust and meaningful soul
    like an adventurer on the lookout for a new emotion
    in a standstill, in unwanted hiatus.

    Gained weight and with not so perfect skin.
    It's not that these sentiments are unfamiliar somehow it matters, now.

    Staring at the reflection of her calm face
    with not so perfect life and unaccompanied.

    A long list of friends, busy in faraway cities
    living the life and contemplating their own rains.
    An estranged lover, with possibilities and deeply hidden passion
    One Elijah with subtle feelings for her dear friend.
    And one big lovable family with judgments.

    Thinking about her own negative thoughts
    she winced, mind playing dirty
    and with no referee.

    She has to make decision, or not
    the nurse is here and she drew the curtain.
    ©11amthoughts

  • 11amthoughts 23w

    It was just the scare

    It was just the scare
    The pregnancy scare

    I was crying the whole night
    Wondering about the consequences
    and the aftermath
    It was just the scare
    The pregnancy scare

    I was clueless
    It was my first time
    Trusting the boy with my first
    When I called the boy
    With hope in my heart and
    fear in the eyes
    It was scare
    Just the pregnancy scare

    Are you sure?
    'Cause you are such a slut
    Opening your legs for God's knows who
    It was scare
    Just the pregnant scare

    The night was dark and unnerving
    I look at the moon through the rusted windows reciting those words inside my head
    It was scare
    Just the pregnancy scare

    I wrapped my arms around the abdomen
    Trying to tie all the loose hope
    Staring at the unmade bed
    Cursing my life and the supreme
    Wondering if I will be happy again
    It was scare
    Just the pregnancy scare

    I confided in one of my best friends
    she hugged me close
    And whispered in my ears
    Don't be scared darling
    It's not the first nor the last
    It's a manuscript of existence
    And then I let my tears flow
    Maybe it's not as bad
    Maybe I will get through
    Maybe I am strong
    Like everyone before
    But that's all it was
    scare
    Just the pregnancy scare
    ©11amthoughts

  • 11amthoughts 30w

    anxiety,black and white,feeling,feels,mental health,remembrance,past,mind,poetry,poem,gloom,lover,lost love,life,lost life,mind,introvert,hope,stories,thoughts,unknown,unsent,untold,

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    If I

    If I kill myself today,

    You will miss me or just be sorry.


    If I kill myself today,

    You will remember me as a hot-headed girl or a girl who gets excited about small little things.


    If I kill myself today,

    Whether you remember me as a girl who was crazy and lives in a fairy world or as a girl who is determined enough to do whatever she puts her mind in.


    If I kill myself today,

    Whether you hold onto my things tightly like it's the only piece of me left and want to reminisce it forever or you throw it away 'cause it's the part of me that reminds you of me.


    I kill myself today,

    Whether you cry remembering our good times or be furious 'cause I was not strong enough.


    If I kill myself today,

    Whether you get numb remembering all our secret rendezvous or be in peace as I was just another girl next door,


    If I kill myself today,

    You will start hating me 'cause I was not strong enough or you will forgive me 'cause I was not strong enough.


    But the concern is,

    If I kill myself today,

    I will be at peace comprehending my story is completed or I will be anxious realizing I haven't completed my story.
    ©11amthoughts